However, even when an officially sanctioned abnormal or "promotional" item hits menus -- something customers are encouraged to buy -- it creates chaos and bloodshed. When Starbucks rolled out its Unicorn Frappuccino, a pink and blue monstrosity that looked like a blended Lisa Frank folder, it made sure customers knew that the colorful drink was only available for five freaking days. Naturally, people rushed to see what liquid candy disguised as coffee tasted like, and the baristas were the ones who had to suffer. Braden Burson, a teenage employee from Colorado, posted a video of himself ripping Starbucks Corporate a new one over his now-acute glitter intolerance. "My hands are completely sticky. I have unicorn crap all in my hair and on my nose," he cringes. "I have never been so stressed out in my entire life."
It wasn't only Braden, either. The Starbucks Reddit page had a field day with the Unicorn Frapp, highlighting the plight of the broken baristas unable to keep themselves from drowning in a flood of pink sludge. Blue and pink powders combined with mango syrup choked the air and coated everything like instagrammable napalm. Baristas had to deal with a constant film of unicorn shit clinging to their body like some kind of metaphor for the spoiled dreams of youth. Seriously, this photo of an order of 56 Unicorn Frappuccinos will one day be shown as part of a trial in the Hague: