And here was Breitbart's highly selective take:

breitbart.com

Another example: While talking about Black Lives Matter, Obama said the following: "if police organizations and departments acknowledge that there's a problem and there's an issue, then that, too, is going to contribute to real solutions. And, as I said yesterday, that is what's going to ultimately help make the job of being a cop a lot safer."

The ever-resourceful Breitbart editors managed to take this quote and make it sound like a goddamned threat against police:

breitbart.com
"Reports of Obama ashing a cigar while wearing a '30s mobster suit have not been confirmed, but feel free to assume so."

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. They'll also resort to putting words in his mouth that he didn't say. This headline ...

breitbart.com

... was immediately followed by:

"On Tuesday, former Obama advisor David Axelrod informed an Israeli television channel that President Obama considers himself 'the closest thing to a Jew that has ever sat in this office.'"

Apparently, the Breitbart people confused the colon with the phrase "Someone on Obama's team said." Easy mistake. For example, by Breitbart logic, we could say "Trump: 'I Made a Poopy in my Panties,'" when we really mean "Trump's Grandkid Has a Dirty Diaper."

... it's no wonder that some polls are showing him getting a whopping 1 percent of the black vote. So how is Breitbart helping with this outreach? By telling minorities that hate crimes against them aren't real, naturally.

breitbart.com
Even Breitbart users aren't depraved enough to use Google+.

This is a very bizarre fixation of theirs. They're not trying to prove that hate crimes are acceptable or free speech, but that they do not happen. Take this headline, for example:

breitbart.com

Checkmate, liberals. Over 100 fake hate crimes were reported in the past decade. If our math checks out, that's ten hoaxes per year, also known as a whopping 0.003 percent to 0.005 percent of the 200,000-300,000 hate crimes reported annually. Perhaps if we were as brazen, courageous, and math-impaired as Breitbart News, we'd be able to face the truth that accusing people of hate crimes is the real hate crime.

You might think that their secret goal in downplaying hate crimes is to subtly give their readers "permission" to use hate speech, but you'd be wrong. There is nothing subtle about how they do that. Case in point:

breitbart.com
"Oh shit! They said 'No takebacks!' Looks like we have to roll with it." -- every other gay person, presumably

This delightful piece, wherein the author implores their readers to Make America Middle-Schoolers Again by using "gay" as an insult, was penned by Milo Yiannopoulos, a gay man who is such a legendary piece of shit that he got Twitter to actually enforce their terms of service for once and ban him. And while a proclamation like that would appeal to the anti-PC crowd that Trump has married himself to, people who have stopped writing "80085" with their calculators probably aren't going to be too impressed.

It's like they've dedicated half a dozen headlines angrily debunking the existence of someone's Canadian girlfriend, even after they met her.

Quantum War on Women aside, Trump's campaign could really use an injection of traditional conservative values to help win voters back to his side. Perhaps he could kick it old-school by appealing to the right's strong feelings about abortion. After all, there is still a large population of religious folks who are deeply pro-life, who take the conversation about abortion very seriously, whose entire faith system rests on the sanctity of human life. Surely, Trump's best chance of appealing to heartland Americans is by respectfully meeting them on anti-abortion common ground. So let's see how Breitbart handles this sensitive subject.

breitbart.com

breitbart.com

breitbart.com
GASP!

OK, abortion is a rough topic no matter how you slice it. At least we can all agree that abortion wouldn't be such a tough subject if everyone had more pre-conception options on the table and in the vagina. Even you don't want women to have wanton sex, you can at least agree that baby prevention is a good thing ... goddammit Breitbart.

breitbart.com
Which are coincidentally the same effects that reading Breitbart has on it's audience.

Breitbart has an absolute obsession with painting birth control as the devil, turning women into smaller, emotional mini-devils. Not only does birth control make women ugly, but it also destroys female brains and make women hyper-emotional.

breitbart.com

Worst-case scenario: Birth control is a murderer.

breitbart.com
Cosmo.

Well, if the pill is turning all our women into Sasquatches with mood swings, surely condoms are the saviors we are looking for, right?

breitbart.com

OK, so then ... what sort of reproductive advice can you offer us, Breitbart?

breitbart.com

Trump, you uh ... you might have better luck winging it on this one, big guy.

For the record, the above is a tag, indicating that they have plans to write more articles about trans cults.

After the whole Target bathroom kerfuffle, Breitbart jumped on the "trans people will peep on us in bathrooms" train with gusto, with headlines like this one:

breitbart.com
The story was debunked by Snopes, by the way.

Another headline was quick to point out a FOR REAL incident of a man spying on women in the bathroom:

breitbart.com

As the prophets foretold, a bad man dressed as a woman spied on innocent women in the most private and holy of spaces, the craphole. Except Breitbart didn't publish that headline as it happened -- they published it three years after the fact, right in the middle of the North Carolina transgender bathroom controversy. You had to pay close attention to the date as you read the opening paragraph:

"Jason Pomare, 33, was arrested over the weekend of May 11, 2013 after mall security officers learned he had been hanging out in a Macy's department store women's bathroom."

This was published in April 2016.

Hell, Breitbart even put together a CliffsNotes version of all the times the pro-transgender bathroom policies backfired on innocent pee-ers.

breitbart.com

It turns out the list was almost entirely made of cis men using devices to film women and children in bathrooms, which ... proves that trans people are gross? If you look at their overall output, the real message here is "Sometimes people are perverts," which anyone who has ever joined a dating website could tell you already.

And yet trans people are small potatoes next to what Breitbart calls the Big Gay Hate Machine, and we have to say it is both hilarious and staggering how many times they have used this exact sequence of words. So as to not sigh yourself to death, read these next few headlines and imagine that the Big Gay Hate Machine is an evil robot created by a supervillain.

breitbart.com

breitbart.com

breitbart.com

breitbart.com

breitbart.com
"GAY SKYNET SET TO BE ACTIVATED FOR JUDGMENT GAY"

Honestly, at this point, we're trying to picture what a BIG GAY HATE MACHINE looks like. The phrase is a Mad Libs of adjectives 1984's elementary schoolers would use to shock each other on the bus. Taking the phrase apart, we're going to go with a fat, homosexual, angry ... group(?) of agitators(?) who are marching across the country as one unit(?). It's a tough concept to dissect.

But both Carson and Huckabee are famous for having the wails of confused banshees come out when they open their mouths. Breitbart has taken a much more reasonable stance: using the Holocaust as a unit of measurement.

breitbart.com
While failing to notice the irony of including Godwin's Law in their URL.

They also have attempted to preemptively paint Obama as a sort of time-displaced Holocaust denier, an accusation so baffling that it's practically unassailable from any angle. It's sort of genius, really.

breitbart.com
We assume the follow-up headline is "OBAMA: HOLOCAUST SUPPLIER?"

But simply mentioning the Holocaust doesn't really give away your stance on it. If only there was some way to ... oh, here we go.

breitbart.com

And finally, let's go ahead and bring this full circle with the article you all saw coming:

breitbart.com

For the record, not all Hitler comparisons are unfair. On occasion, people do indeed act in ways similar to the evillest man in history. We at Cracked have done this ourselves in the past, comparing Hitler's rise to that of another well-known presidential candidate -- namely, Donald Trump. So between invoking Hitler and insulting the man, our chances of eventually advising Trump on his campaign are about 50/50.