A few weeks ago, Donald Trump decided his campaign team wasn't Legion of Doomy enough, so he added Breitbart News chairman Stephen Bannon. Now, a presidential candidate forming an alliance with a media website in itself is pretty weird, but Breitbart isn't just any media outlet. Breitbart makes Fox News look like the BBC. If websites were people, Fox News would be your friend who's casually thinking of voting for Trump because they can't stand Hillary Clinton, and Breitbart would be Donald Trump when he went on the WWE.
For anyone who hasn't visited Breitbart, the alt-right "news" site was started in 2007 by the late Andrew Breitbart, and to this day, it continues his tradition of being the absolute worst. We waded through its archives and found six "reporting" strategies that best exemplify their incompetence, before we left to take the longest showers of our lives.
They Make Up Obama Quotes For Their Headlines
Breitbart News has always had a shaky relationship with the truth -- most notably in 2014, when they added a correction to the bottom of an article saying that the entire thing was wrong.
"Correction: We earlier identified ourselves as a news outlet. We were, in fact, mistaken."
So when it comes time for Trump's new media partner to write an article bashing President Obama (1 p.m. Eastern, every weekday), instead of searching endlessly for an inflammatory quote from him, they'll merely assemble one out of other quotes like a grade-school construction paper project. For a fun game, read the original Obama quotes below, and then see if you can construct the bonkers headline Breitbart made up without peeking.
In July 2014, Barack and Michelle Obama issued a statement for the end of Ramadan, giving thanks for the "achievements and contributions of Muslim Americans to building the very fabric of our nation and strengthening the core of our democracy."
And here was Breitbart's highly selective take:
Another example: While talking about Black Lives Matter, Obama said the following: "if police organizations and departments acknowledge that there's a problem and there's an issue, then that, too, is going to contribute to real solutions. And, as I said yesterday, that is what's going to ultimately help make the job of being a cop a lot safer."
The ever-resourceful Breitbart editors managed to take this quote and make it sound like a goddamned threat against police:
"Reports of Obama ashing a cigar while wearing a '30s mobster suit have not been confirmed, but feel free to assume so."