5 Secret Theme Park Hacks You're Going To Want To Try
To a child, theme parks are still magical places. Their little spirits have not been crushed by an uncaring world, and an extensive backlog of Cracked articles have yet to ruin all of their favorite things. So if you are currently at a theme park with a child, please refrain from telling them the truth about Disneyland's Morlock tunnels. Instead, use one of the following tricks to make their stay extra special. Then, in the car ride home, you can tell them how many cats died filming Milo And Otis. Hey, if you have to know, so do they.
Cast Secret Spells At The Wizarding World of Harry Potter
The Harry Potter franchise is a whole magical world hidden in plain sight. It's no surprise, then, that The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is full of Easter eggs for the obsessive and/or extremely bored. A key element of the attraction are 'spells' that can be cast, using magic wands sold at convenient kiosks, because park designers are evil geniuses. When you buy a wand, you're given a map with the locations you can use it. But there are secret spells not listed on the map ... at least not listed under normal light.
To reveal their locations, go to Knockturn Alley and look at your map under the black lights there. This will reveal the spell locations written in invisible ink, and almost certainly cause you to giggle like a giant nerd for like 20 minutes. The secret spells let you make invisible ink appear on a page, cause a flower to bloom, and bring certain objects to life. In short: You're a wizard, 'arry.
That's not all: The King's Cross Station area has phone booths that look conspicuously like the one used to enter the Ministry. Most think they're just set decoration, but they do function if you know the secret number. Dial "MAGIC" (your magic password is 'magic'? That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage) and you get a special message from the Ministry. Congratulations: Your kid now thinks you're connected to a shadowy government. But, y'know, in a fun way.
Though we're not sure how the message "Even in a world of magic and wonder, people still need 9-5 office jobs" really ups the fun.
Access A Secret Room In Universal Studios Florida's Men In Black Ride
Like so many rides, Men In Black: Alien Attack tries to make waiting in line less boring. It doesn't generally work. In this case, the line goes by sets from the Men In Black movie, but in true MiB fashion, there's a secret world you can access if you know what to look for. Just ask a staffer, and get special access to the immigration room -- the same one most guests only see through a glass enclosure as they shuffle numbly by, waiting for a brief thrill ride before it's back to work and waiting again, this time for the sweet release of death.
Oh, you'll also skip the line, all while getting an up-close look at the Twins (Idikiukup and Bob) and Zed on the big screen. As a tip of the hat to Star Wars, if you leaf through the MiB paperwork on the desks, you'll even find immigration papers for Admiral 'stop meme-ing me you sons of bitches' Ackbar.
Big ups for figuring out a way to make immigration paperwork seem compelling, though.
Receive Literal Royal Treatment At The Magic Kingdom
If you win one of Disney World's special sweepstakes or secret random drawings, or -- far more likely knowing you -- just stupidly stumble into the right place at the right time, you might receive a special key that opens the hidden royal chambers -- inside Cinderella's castle.
Or to put it in more concrete terms, your $80 ticket is suddenly worth about thirty grand.
Staying in a swanky, secret room inside the iconic castle will already be the high point of your kid's life. Everything else has to be downhill from there: Bitter disappointment after bitter disappointment until they finally disappear down a bottle. And the room is just the beginning!
Which is a pretty bold statement to make about a room with literal chunks of gold in the floor.
Dinner is at the Royal Table restaurant, where your special guest is none other than Cinderella herself, who is practically obligated to indulge your child's every fantastical question, and begrudgingly tolerate your thinly veiled innuendos. You also get access to a special viewing room inside the castle for the fireworks show -- literally looking down on the plebian masses below. After the park closes, and everyone has left, you're given free run of the entire Magic Kingdom. That's right: All to yourself.
It's Cartmanland come true.
Once you finally tire of being flung about by complicated devices with cartoon faces, the Disney Dream Team will escort you back to your room, complete with awaiting desserts. Or, if you aren't tired yet, you can use their color-changing bathtub and carry on Disney's long tradition of slipping dicks into seemingly wholesome properties.
Life doesn't offer many opportunities for an actual enchanted handjob. Just pointing that out.
Ask The Right Questions And Get Bonus Souvenirs From Disneyland
There are Easter eggs hidden all throughout your favorite parks. Most of the time they're just little mementos. For example, if you ask an attendant at Disney's Haunted Mansion for a Death Certificate, they'll print one out with your name on it, naively trusting that you won't use it to fake your own death (again). At Islands Of Adventure's Jurassic Park, you can get a birth certificate for one of the raptors hatched in the dino cloning lab (you even get to name the cute lil' embodiment of man's hubris).
Which really should be a 'cause of death' option on the Death Certificate.
Or you can switch to hardcore mode: There's never been any official acknowledgment of this trick, but it's said visitors to Tom Sawyer Island can earn themselves a free FastPass by displaying Sawyer-like curiosity. If you're keen-eyed enough to notice an unassuming, discarded paintbrush on the ground, flip it over to read the note asking you to return 'Tom Sawyer's paint brush' to the nearest Disney Cast Member. Like we said, there's no official confirmation, but some have uploaded "proof":
"Rides? I was all excited to paint something."
Why would they lie? Because some people on the internet are bored jerks? That's unlikely!
Get A Whole Different Version Of The Great Movie Ride At Disney's Hollywood Studios
The Great Movie Ride at Disney's Hollywood Studios takes you on a tour through amazing movie franchises like Alien, Indiana Jones, and The Wizard Of Oz, as well as other movies, like Tarzan.
Though with all the attention to the little details, you'd think they'd have sprung
for a photo of Sigourney Weaver for the model makers.
Normally, your car gets "hijacked" at the start by a 1930s gangster named Mugsy, who then becomes your tour guide. That is, unless you ask for the "A" tour. In that case, the whole ride changes: You stop at a Western set instead of the 1930s, and substitute Mugsy for an old-timey bank robber. They even pretend to blow up a bank (complete with impressive pyrotechnics) in the process of hijacking your car.
Well, we hope that was pretend. Because if that wasn't a secret ride hack, we accidentally became accessories to a felony on our last vacation. God knows it wouldn't be the first time.
For more real-life easter eggs, check out 5 Cool Secret Codes Hiding In Plain Sight Around The World and Crazy Secret Places Hidden In The Middle Of Famous Locations.
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