A Mystery Head Was Found In Pennsylvania With Rubber Balls In The Eye Sockets
Michelle Vitali / Beaver Countian
On December 12th, 2014, a little boy got off the school bus on a rural road in Economy, Pennsylvania and stumbled upon something kind of unusual: a severed goddamned head, lying in a field. The head belonged to an old woman, and because CSI is magic these days, investigators were able to determine that she was local to either Pennsylvania or its surrounding states ("This is clearly not the bestial cranium of a Wisconsinite!"). But, that's where it ended -- she didn't match the profile of any missing person, and the rest of her body has never been found.
So, was she a murder victim, maybe someone who lived off the grid? Well, here's the first twist: The head was professionally embalmed. That could mean that the head belonged to an already-dead body that had been taken to a mortuary, except no mortuary, hospital, or graveyard in the area had any knowledge of a missing head. And how in the hell would they lose one? It's not like they're driving around with a pickup truck full of them.
Beaver County Sheriff's Office
... Ri- right?
Likewise, investigators can't tell whether the embalming was done legally through the proper funerary process, or by some rogue, uh, hobbyist in his or her basement/dungeon. The fact that nobody can identify the victim seems to imply the latter, right?
Wait, It Gets Worse:
Part of the difficulty in identifying the head can be attributed to the fact that her eyes had been removed. Both eyes had been replaced with fake ones, which is a common embalming procedure. However, in this case, the fake eyes were not the professional ones used by mortuaries -- they were rubber children's toys, the kind of bouncy balls widely available from vending machines and dentists' prize chests all over the country.
John Paul / Beaver Countian
Covering up a murder now costs only 15 tickets at Chuck E. Cheese.