First we have Lollys Stokeworth, whom show-watchers may remember as the woman Bronn was arranged to marry last season before Jaime Lannister stole him away and forced him into an abusive relationship with the show's terrible Dorne plot. Lollys is described as dim-witted, and in the show, Bronn isn't shy about implying that he intends to murder her mean older sister so the two of them will inherit her father's castle. But they got along well, and by Thrones standards, that's practically a meet cute.
It's just like a fairy tale -- moments of cuteness in a sea of intense, visceral horror.
So how much worse could the novel version be? For starters, book Lollys isn't merely "dim-witted" -- she'd be considered borderline mentally disabled today, and she's morbidly obese to boot. So Bronn marries a woman with special needs for her family's money. What a lovable scamp!
Like in the show, Bronn gets to marry Lollys in exchange for not backing Tyrion in his trial. But unlike in the show, Cersei is only willing to let Bronn marry a highborn lady because Lollys was "ruined" when she was raped "half a hundred times" and impregnated during a riot. Bronn names the child Tyrion Tanner -- "Tyrion" in reference to the brother Cersei hates, and "Tanner" in reference to the shop Lollys was gang-raped behind. Because nothing says love like naming your wife's bastard child after the worst moment of her life. Classic Bronn zinger!
(which is the sound of two stabbings followed by someone crushing a skull)