The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (3/22)

The news often reads like humankind's angry, rambling suicide note. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).
Source: New York Times, KTLA, ABC News
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Source: NBC News
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Source: Mass Live
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Source: Australian Broadcasting Corporation
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Source: The Verge
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Source: BBC
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Source: L.A. Times
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Source: CNN, L.A. Times
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Source: CNN
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Source: CNN