For most of us, Disney movies were fun distractions our parents plunked us in front of so they could do the laundry without screaming homunculi getting in their way. But for a select group of people, Disney characters played a crucial role in the development of their sexuality. Like a hot babysitter who was also a giant mouse.
And look, we're not going to judge how you live and achieve orgasm, but we can't help but point out that the erotic Disney fan art community has some extremely, uh, colorful trends going on -- yes, even for an erotic fan art community.
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Remember Frollo? The mother-murdering, terrible-stepfathering, and all-around douchenozzle villain of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame? Well, some artists saw that and said, "Now there's a guy who's probably a sweet, supple, and generous sex-maker." If you're having trouble imagining that, then don't worry, because they didn't.
At first, this seem like your standard pairing between a sexually-repressed religious fanatic and a free-spirited Romani girl half his age ...
... but they take on creepy overtones when you remember that in the movie, Frollo develops an obsession with Esmerelda and orders her execution when she rejects his advances. Presumably, these drawings are set in a gross alternate ending in which Esmeralda decides that taking some old man dong is a preferable fate to being burned alive.
Seeing as how they feature anthropomorphic animals, The Rescuers and The Rescuers Down Under were always going to attract a certain section of fandom. Throw in the endless sexual puns made possible by the second movie's title, and erotica was inevitable -- despite the fact that the average person's memory of these films boils down to "Is that the one where John Candy's a bird?" Even then, we confess that we're taken aback by the depths of the Rescuers' promiscuity.
Ah, Jake and Timon from The Lion King together at last! We have to question whether the dimensions here are accurate, though. Also, note that Jake's wearing a diaper, for reasons we don't want to explore. Moving on, here's Frollo again, this time macking on fellow obscure villain Percival C. McLeach.
Meanwhile, poor Bianca finds herself stripped down to her underoos and kidnapped alongside fan favorite (read: commonly masturbated to) Gadget Hackwrench from Chip 'N Dale Rescue Rangers.
By now, you're probably thinking the same thing we are: "Wait, which one was Bianca again? The Eastern European one? What were her skills?" One was role play, obviously.
We're with you, Bernard. Apparently, the Rescuers' globetrotting adventures led them to plenty of sexual escapades as well ... which kinda makes sense when you consider that they're a bunch of furry James Bonds and Indiana Joneses, and those guys are huge sluts.
Common sense dictates that there's nothing in the world that can't be made sexier by simply adding tits. Multiple fan artists have stumbled upon the one exception: the scene from Pinocchio in which he turns into a donkey.
Pinocchio came out in 1940, so either your grandma's getting into some weird shit at her "Bridge Club," or a few kids took much, much more away from the movie than the "lying is bad" moral the rest of us absorbed.
We're not sure if these are supposed to be erotic or scary, and the descriptions don't offer clarification:
In the movie, transformation is punishment for being a delinquent who wants to party all day instead of going to school. On the Internet, it's become a weird analogy for puberty ... and as with puberty, some characters adjust more easily than others. Like, uh, Bobby from King Of The Hill, maybe?
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Whoever it is, he missed Pleasure Island's allegory for the consequences of laziness, but seems fairly acquainted with the "pleasure" part. Some of the less-publishable artists aren't concerned with all that moral lecturing, though, and just want to give the world some sweet, sweet donkey vagina. For a scene that we'd completely forgotten, it sure meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people. And really, isn't that the beauty of art?
Remember the scene in The Jungle Book where Kaa the snake does those crazy eyes? And remember how you wanted to hump the shit out of him after that? If you didn't, then we don't know what to tell you. Clearly, you're in the minority here.
While most of us were giggling at Kaa's comic relief antics and then wondering what shenanigans Mowgli would get up to next, a few people let the rest of the movie soar over their head as they stopped to think about all the potential ramifications of Kaa's powers. And baby, they liked what they dreamed up.
But that still leaves us with many, many questions. Why are so many Photoshopped real women serving as Kaa's victims? How did something as innocent and straightforward as "Kaa wants to eat a feral child" become a sex thing? And is there a single cartoon lady out there who hasn't fallen victim?
Wait, is this a sex thing? Because Kaa's finishing up who we can only assume is a pissed-off Meg Griffin, which kind of kills any romantic vibe a sentient snake hypnotizing three innocent women otherwise had. But in other images, his victims are giving Kaa their finest bedroom eyes.
This fetish is a full-blown phenomenon. A commenter on one image is impressed by how many girls Kaa has pulled, as though he was an actual living being who's responsible for all these images. Another laments the repetition he sees, wishing that Kaa would seduce more dudes instead of ensnaring an endless parade of buxom girls.
This rabbit hole goes deep, friends. And if you delve too far, you might come out looking like Tinker Bell there. Although she's got other problems ...
Despite being the size of an unusually large bee, Tinker Bell's one of the most sexualized Disney characters out there. Honestly, you can thank Disney for that -- her tiny green dress doesn't leave much to the imagination. We even get a brief shot of her underwear when she got stuck in a keyhole, and fans have taken those five seconds of exposure and run with it to some strange, strange places.
Instead of making her frustrated, for Tinker Bell, getting stuck is merely an opportunity to shake what her fairy Godmother gave her. "Please look at my giant tits while I sensually sashay about," some viewers imagined her saying during that scene, and have rolled with that image in their minds ever since.
That's Tinker Bell's moment of infamy immortalized as a Yu-Gi-Oh! card, because if there's one thing sexier than 1950s animation, it's popular 2000s trading card games.
Spanked Tinker Bell, other girls as Tinker Bell ... you name a fetish, and we guarantee that it's been applied to this scenario. And let's not forget the time poor Tink got trapped in a lantern and was tricked into betraying her friends; some artists took her darkest moment as the perfect opportunity for her to grind against the glass like a thirsty stripper.
Is trapping a tiny woman a fetish we're not aware of? Not to get all prudish, but how would the mechanics of the, uh, act even work? But hey, at least she's not about to get fucking eaten alive ...
Tinker Bell did briefly get stuck in a web in the movie, but there was no murderous spider lurking over her like freaking Shelob. The artist "wanted to portray the sense of terror and helplessness" running through Tinker Bell's mind. We'll leave picturing the sort of person who would be turned on by that to you, and simply point out that, man, there are a lot of spider pictures.
Even more bafflingly, others feature Vidia, a villain-turned-friend from Tinker Bell's recent string of direct-to-DVD adventures.
So now you know who buys those shitty movies: parents looking to give their kids a cheap Disney fix, and fetishists looking for more material. Isn't it nice when movies appeal to disparate demographics?
Ratigan from The Great Mouse Detective is an ugly, foul-tempered, middle-aged rat who plots to take control of the British monarchy with the help of a kidnapped mouse whose daughter he threatens to murder, and who has a song that says he's drowned widows and orphans. But on the other hand, look at those abs:
In the comments, viewers debate who among them is the biggest Ratigan fangirl, while expressing disappointment that there aren't more of their kind for some reason. Obviously, people aren't aware of what he's packing under those unassuming clothes -- an error that DeviantArt users are working hard to correct.
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Ratigan does more than simply pose, though. He's a master of crime and the bedroom. Here is a tiny swatch of his escapades we're willing to publish.
Oh, and in-between all that consensual sex, Ratigan also finds the time to rape his archrival Basil, the eponymous Great Mouse Detective. We're also reasonably sure we're not misinterpreting those, since they all come from a DeviantArt user named "Basil Ratigan Rape," whose art is so goddamn upsetting that it must not tarnish an otherwise respectable user name, like DemonSw0rdNJ69.
We're not sure if this counts as bestiality, given that she's half-fish and all, but Ariel from The Little Mermaid has a troubling habit of making out with any filthy animal that crosses her path. This includes impressively random choices like Mushu the dragon from Mulan:
Or Littlefoot from The Land Before Time:
Baloo from The Jungle Book appears to be squarely in the mythical "friend zone" ...
... but we can't say the same for alley cat Thomas O'Malley from The Aristocats, a movie about aristocratic cats who-- oh shit, we just got the title.
Can you imagine the sort of complicated scenario that could have led to that scene? You don't have to, because someone made a whole trailer about it.
Incidentally, despite being one of the less-known entries in the Disney canon, The Aristocats has become a popular source of erotic inspiration. Some of the fan art can be relatively chaste and dignified, as befitting the upper-class world of Duchess and her kittens. But other times, we delve into Thomas' street life, and things get appropriately raunchy.
Seeing as how Lady And The Tramp is billed as one of the greatest love stories in cinematic history despite being about two pasta-devouring dogs, we suppose it's only natural that people would be inspired to draw them in various romantic scenarios. Although that doesn't quite explain why they look so happy about being dognapped.
Or why Tramp's getting tickle-tortured:
If Lady And The Tramp is your first exposure to the concept of romantic love, you're inevitably going to filter your desires and experiences through that early model. It's like how every time we learn about a new fetish, we imagine our grandparents doing it that time we accidentally walked in on them. But seeing Lady pregnant ...
... forces you to picture the characters doing much, much worse things, which we're sure art exists for, but which we're not going to go out of our way to find. Go ahead, watch Lady And The Tramp again. Watch them fall in love, watch their puppies frolic at the end, and try not to think about everything that happened in-between. Are you picturing the Tramp's o-face? You are, aren't you? That's what happens when animated dogs teach you about love in your formative years. Fan art's cheaper than therapy.
OK, this article may have ruined our brains.
For better or for worse, Fifty Shades Of Grey deserves credit for starting a national conversation on kinky sex. The upside is that (in spite of the book's inherent creepiness) this could lead to healthier attitudes about sex in the future. The downside? As soon as Shades-mania started, Disney characters acting out scenes was inevitable. This is the world we live in.
The result is the ultimate combination of your childhood memories and your adult desires, and watching them do battle in your mind is like trying to fistfight your clone.
It's a natural progression, when you think about it. All your favorite Disney couples are young adults with a lifetime of love and romance ahead of them. It's only logical that they'd start to get bored and experimental a few years after the credits rolled. Mind you, that doesn't make it any easier to see Prince Charming getting ready to shove a couple of Ben Wa balls into Cinderella's eager body.
Seriously, this series concludes with Frozen's Kristoff pulling out Anna's tampon. Look, guys: Disney characters live in a different reality from us, one in which basic bodily functions are unheard of, and even villains have a certain innocence. All of that wacky shit you just saw profanes all of that in one fell swoop, forever ending your ability to watch Disney movies with the remains of your childhood naivety intact.
So, uh, who wants to watch one with us?
You can read more from Mark, or see his erotic Bolt art, at his website.
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