"Where did the merman go? No one better have hurt him!"
She started calling out in Spanish, which led to some confusion among the Stockholm's Swedish crew. They finally located a translator and started piecing it together, presumably stopping every other sentence to call bullshit because it was four days until she was reunited with her father.
Roy Benavidez Survives A Knife Fight With A Vietcong Battalion
Roy Benavidez was at the White House, getting a Medal of Honor 13 years after the single most incredible one-man rampage of the Vietnam War. Former president Ronald Reagan himself told the assembled audience, "You are going to hear something you would not believe, if it were a script."
And this was coming from the star of Bedtime For Bonzo.
On May 2, 1968, Benavidez got a call that a special forces team was pinned down by an entire NVA battalion. He rushed to the helicopter so quickly that he didn't even grab his rifle and flew to the rescue, armed with nothing but a Bowie knife. After getting off the chopper, Benavidez had to make a 75-yard run to the SOG team. He was hit in the head by both a grenade and a gunshot, which would've been a hell of a combo, if Benavidez hadn't been using cheats. He shrugged it off, grabbed an enemy rifle, took command, and called in airstrikes on the enemy before dragging the wounded to a rescue helicopter. Benavidez, alone, stayed on the ground to provide covering fire for the helicopter as it moved to pick up the other wounded -- a plan that fell apart after the chopper was shot down.
Benavidez went to re-save the wounded he had just rescued and set up a defensive perimeter before running back into the open to retrieve some classified documents. He was shot several more times and hit by another grenade. When he got back from his suicide mission, he said, "I've been hit so many times, I don't give a damn no more." And he meant it because he was shot once more after he said it -- and didn't give any kind of a damn.
Mihajlo Maricic/iStock/Getty Images
It bounced off a bullet already in there and cauterized the wound.
Six hours later, another helicopter arrived, and Benavidez again proceeded to evacuate the wounded ... until a Vietcong soldier smacked him upside the head with an AK-47, fracturing his skull and smashing his jaw. Benavidez wrestled his attacker to the ground, and, despite having already been stabbed, shot, and grenaded in both arms, managed to decapitate his assailant with that bowie knife. Because that's just good storytelling. Like Chekhov said: "You don't show the audience a knife unless you're going to chop off some sumbitch's head with it."
Benavidez then got back to evacuating the wounded, and, while he was it, shot two more NVA soldiers that tried jumping onto the helicopter. "Suck it, Vietnam," Roy Benavidez said with every single action he took.
Wham. Bam. Fuck you, 'Nam.
As Benavidez flew out, he was literally holding his intestines inside his body. He was so obliterated by all manner of weaponry that he was actually pronounced dead and put in a body bag. But as the doctor was zipping the body bag shut, Benavidez spat in his face to show him how wrong he was. We're not making that last part up -- this guy spent the entire day being Chuck Norris joke punchlines.
All in all, Benavidez saved eight American lives, and, despite being wounded 37 times and declared dead for a bit, he made a full recovery. And here's where the story really turns unbelievable: All of this happened after doctors declared he would never walk again. Two years before his rampage, Benavidez stepped on a land mine and became paralyzed. The military planned to discharge him, but Benavidez, through sheer testicular torque, recovered in a few months and went on to become a green beret. And that's only because there's no such thing as a chainsaw shark beret.
Zachary Frey is currently a student at Greenwich High School, and you can read all his other crazy articles and (not) be his friend here.
For more real-life Terminators, check out 5 Soldiers Whose Horrific Injuries Only Made Them Angry and 6 Soldiers Who Survived Shit That Would Kill A Terminator.
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