Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupee Land -- Implied Man-Fairy Sex
The Legend of Zelda games have featured dozens of unsightly monster bosses, zombie enemies that hug you to death, and ghouls that live inside toilets, among other atrocities ... and yet, the most unnerving thing in the entire series is still Tingle, the grown man who thinks he's a forest fairy.
"YO, HEAR ME OUT! Did I do that right?"
For God knows what reason, Nintendo decided it was a good idea to give this guy a game with a name almost as annoying as his face: Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland. To its credit, the game was for the most part just another Zelda adventure, including the parts where you run around collecting rupees, exploring dungeons, fighting enemies, and getting sexual favors from Amazonian fairy girls ...
Toward the end of the game, you'll rescue a pink lingerie-wearing she-fairy about Arnold Schwarzenegger's size who's quick to "reward" Tingle for his bravery. Great, so does she give Tingle some rupees? Maybe she turns him into a real fairy? Uh, quite the opposite, actually. Tingle nervously approaches her, but she asks him to get his butt even closer, until he's almost being suffocated by her cleavage.
"Pay no mind to all the saliva, Link just rescued me earlier."
Without warning, Tingle's backpack balloon spontaneously inflates, mercifully obscuring the two from the player's view just before the lady instructs him to "Enjoy!" At this point, and as hearts flash across the screen, you hear Tingle let out a series of howls of deep sexual gratification that will haunt us to our graves.
You should feel glad GIFs don't have sound.
This goes on for about 15 seconds, which is impressive stamina for a first timer, and when Tingle's balloon shrinks down, the lady is magically gone (turns out she was a real fairy) -- but not before leaving a hologram of herself in Tingle's house so that "If you feel lonely, you'll always have company!" Tingle then goes on to fight the final boss with a renewed energy and a slightly different outlook on life.
As soon as he steps out, the soundtrack changes to "You Make My Dreams Come True."
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For more perverts who invaded our youths' imaginations, check out 5 Inappropriate Children's Versions of Famous Hit Songs and 5 Grossly Inappropriate Jokes on Kids' Comic Book Covers.
Look, the game designers stuck these sexy moments in for a reason. Let their creepy work be known by clicking the Facebook "share" button below.