Vampire Bat Spit Can Save Your Brain
If you have a vampire bat flapping around your head right now and you're getting scared because, you know, it's called a vampire bat, we have good news: Vampire bats don't actually suck your blood.
Instead, it'll just bite you and then leisurely lick the wound as blood leaks out, like you're his lollipop. After he's had enough, he'll fly off and leave you to keep bleeding for several hours.
"What did I tell you? You challenge a bat to a lick fight, you're gonna lose that battle every time."
Yes, hours. This might seem weird to you as you watch it soak through one Band-Aid after another, since we're talking about a tiny wound made with little baby bat teeth. Shouldn't that little nibble scab over after, say, an hour? No, because vampire bat spit contains a blood thinner that keeps the blood flowing in case he or his friends want to come back for another drink from the red fountain. They really thought of everything.
So how does this help you, or anyone else other than gauze manufacturers? Well, imagine you're having a heart attack in your brain, otherwise known as a stroke. Blood flow to your brain has stopped, usually because of a clot blocking up the blood vessel. So your brain has a freakout because it's not getting oxygen, and depending on which part of the brain was damaged, your body has its own meltdown. If you get to a hospital, the doctors can administer a medicine to break up the clot as fast as possible, but only if it's been no longer than three hours since the symptoms started.
"I'd suggest finding a mask for half of your face and the nearest opera house with a spacious basement."