ANOTHER WARNING: Chances are, as soon as you enter Wendy, your Arousal Meter will fill completely and immediately release, thus invoking a far too abbreviated end to the challenge. You'll earn five of the possible ten Life Points and move on with Your Life, but it's a somewhat embarrassing way to end things.
TIP: Again, like earlier, thoughts of forest creatures, poor people, and that economics exam will help stave off an early climax. Also, if you lost the "Don't Walk in on Your Parents Having Sex" mini game back in Level III: Your Childhood, feel free to call up your Childhood Memory Window to relive that mortifying moment again. For every minute you can keep from climaxing, you'll earn an additional Life Point. Five minutes of fully engaged intercourse will net you all ten Life points and Wendy's undying gratitude.
STILL ANOTHER WARNING:
However long it lasts, don't expect the sex to be great. It's extremely difficult to master the humping rhythm on the controls [strong, circular, thrusting presses on the ANALOG A-PAD and B-PADs] while trying to conjure up unsexy thoughts. In addition, Wendy's futon frame will be rickety, so there's an ever-present fear that the frame will collapse as you bang away at one another. However, the object here is not to have great sex or good sex or even average sex; the object is simply to have sex, so even though you won't be writing a new chapter of the Kama Sutra
, you'll achieve your purpose. So be proud of it!
ONE LAST TIP: Wendy won't be much of post-coital snuggler, which some gamers find disappointing, but rushing out immediately isn't the gentlemanly thing to do. Eventually, she'll yawn and say she has to get up early in the morning, and you can take that as a sign that you can leave. 4
1- We'll go ahead and apologize immediately for this line. We don't mean to be crass, but frankly, given how this challenge unfolds, you haven't seen nothin'.
2- For reasons we don't wish to get into, we are ill at ease with the word vagina, so from here on out we're going to refer to the female reproductive organ as the money zone.
3- In fact, Mom, if you're reading this, we think it best if you go ahead and skip to the next challenge now. Nothing good will come out of you continuing on with this challenge. If you're stuck in this part of the game, just have Dad or Derrick finish it for you. Actually, come to think of it, you should have them do the next challenge ("Getting Your Freak On at Spring Break") as well.
4- Things with Wendy will never really be the same. Shortly thereafter, she'll quit her job at the college copy center and you'll fall completely out of touch. You might run into her at a party or Ultimate Frisbee tournament and exchange pleasantries, but neither of you will want to be reminded of the awkward mercenary virginity-destroying sex you shared, so the meeting will be as quick and painless as the two of you can make it.