Wilmer Valderrama — That Douchebag Who Played Fez on That 70' Show went on Stern last week and talked all this s**t about how big his junk is and how he nailed all these starlets like Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan, which would pretty much be the modern equivalent of Balky from Perfect Strangers porking every girl from the Brat Pack back in the 80s. Anyway, either Wilmer's lying or humanity is officially and completely forsaken. I know Lohan' not the most difficult hole on the course, but what in John Stamos' name could she possibly see in a dude who was probably about three failed auditions away from working at a hair salon when some idiot producer thought, "Hey, I think America will love it if Fez had a silly, gay European voice!"?
Cell Phone Driving Bans — Did you know that it's illegal to drive in several states in this country while talking on your cell phone? What complete and utter bulls**t. Oh, I know what you're thinking-- "But I hate it when people are talking on their phones and don't pay attention!" Well that may be the case, but just because you hate something, it doesn't mean it should be against the law. I mean, I hate it when people use the word "dish" as a verb, but you don't see those gaywads at E! News getting locked up, do you? Legislators say they're pushing to make cell phone use illegal while driving because it' "unsafe and distracting." Really? But watching a f**king DVD of