In Line 1 our sample form I've put down $1.00 as my total wage for the year. Now, I actually made quite a bit more than this--but because the majority of my earnings was from selling cocaine, I obviously would rather the government wasn't aware of this. Similarly, where the IRS has asked for total taxable interest in Line 2, I wrote a calm but decisive "No," as I had no idea what they were even talking about, and it's not the government's job to make me feel stupid.
In Line 3, we have been asked if we would like unemployment compensation and Alaska Permanent Fund dividends. Sounded good to me. I put "Yes" for this; you can too.
Line 4 requests that we add all the previous lines together, and again, your answer should be a firm "No." I have no idea where the IRS gets off assigning pointless busy-work like this, but if you're like me you could be making a lot more money selling cocaine than sitting around adding up lines like a dumb kid. Your goddamn time's money and this is something they could easily do themselves. Remember: A) our taxes pay their goddamn salaries, and B) of any of us, they're the most likely people to have a calculator on hand. Let them know you're leaving the bean-counting to the bean-counters, and don't be afraid to liberally sprinkle the word "faggot" around if you feel it helps get your point across.
At this point I became bored with Section 2 entirely and drew a picture of Kevin Costner. I recommend you do the same.
Part 3: Big-Money Cash Payouts
Finally we get to the good part: the big cash-money payouts. Remember that because we decided not to disclose our income earlier, the size of our refund is more of a friendly suggestion to the IRS than a concrete number.