After propelling Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man' Chest to three straight weekends atop the box office, Johnny Depp is Hollywood' most in-demand leading man. Lucky for us, he was kind enough to let CRACKED listen in on his voice mail messages from over the weekend. Here' what we heard"Â¦
"Hello John, it' Ron Howard. I'm looking at your contract here, and I know I am 'to honor any and all of Mr. Depp' acting choices even if they are poorly motivated or downright effeminately contrarian,' but can we talk about this? Look, I love Shirley Temple as much as the next guy. And I think I figured out a way you can keep the curly wig, but can we lose the 'good ship lollipop' dress? Please? I'm begging you. I mean, this is
The Jonas Salk Story
. Also, let me know what you think about those 15 scenes that are all in slow motion with violin music."
"Hey, Deppster, it' Pete Deluise. What' shaking, you f****n' p***y?! Guess where I am? Our old place. The Hardee' on Sunset. Just kicking it Jump Street
style with Grieco and Dustin Nguyen. We wanted to know if you'd be into a boys night out. A little action, know what I mean? Word on the street is Holly Robinson' giving hand jobs behind the Whiskey a Go Go for like five bucks. Or some crack. Or an audition. Whatever. Call me."