Messages From Johnny Depp"s Voice Mail
After propelling Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man' Chest to three straight weekends atop the box office, Johnny Depp is Hollywood' most in-demand leading man. Lucky for us, he was kind enough to let CRACKED listen in on his voice mail messages from over the weekend. Here' what we heard"¦
"Hello, Earthling. This is Silos Three of Nervardia. (Little girl giggles.) Get it? (More giggles.) Remember? Anyway, I was sitting at home last night jerking off to goat bukkake and then it hits me: my next project. And no, not the musical about Hansel & Gretl in outer space. I'm talking remake. Ready?
"Hey, John-John. It' Keira. I was like wondering-know how we have that kissing scene coming up for Pirates Three? Yeah, well, about that. Could you do me a solid? Could you like brush your teeth and floss thoroughly? It' this strict diet I'm on. I'm trying to avoid any rogue calories that might be lingering in your mouth. And could you like maybe fast for two days before the scene just to be sure? Also, what do you think of this new movie Disney' pitching based on that ride The Tilt-O-Whirl? I'm undecided. Thoughts?"