After propelling Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man' Chest to three straight weekends atop the box office, Johnny Depp is Hollywood' most in-demand leading man. Lucky for us, he was kind enough to let CRACKED listen in on his voice mail messages from over the weekend. Here' what we heard"Â¦
"Hello John, it' Ron Howard. I'm looking at your contract here, and I know I am 'to honor any and all of Mr. Depp' acting choices even if they are poorly motivated or downright effeminately contrarian,' but can we talk about this? Look, I love Shirley Temple as much as the next guy. And I think I figured out a way you can keep the curly wig, but can we lose the 'good ship lollipop' dress? Please? I'm begging you. I mean, this is
The Jonas Salk Story
. Also, let me know what you think about those 15 scenes that are all in slow motion with violin music."
"Hey, Deppster, it' Pete Deluise. What' shaking, you fuckin' pussy?! Guess where I am? Our old place. The Hardee' on Sunset. Just kicking it Jump Street
style with Grieco and Dustin Nguyen. We wanted to know if you'd be into a boys night out. A little action, know what I mean? Word on the street is Holly Robinson' giving hand jobs behind the Whiskey a Go Go for like five bucks. Or some crack. Or an audition. Whatever. Call me."