But the look and the voice are only half of it. If you don't know how to act like a celebrity, some real celebrity will be on to you in no time and you'll end up in that celebrity's dungeons.
And if you don't think every celebrity has at least eight dungeons, you should let a Mountain Dew bottle full of Gary Sinise's snot read this instead of you, because it's got more sense, ass-nuts!
Anyway, since you'll never pull off the look and sound of a celebrity like me, I'll let you in on the three keys to acting like one. You'd better be thankful, too. Next time I see you, you should give me oral sex with a mouthful of Stovetop Stuffing.
#1Whenever you walk into a celebrity's mansion, be like, "Nice mansion... Not!" They'll instantly know how hot-s**t you are. One time, I was pretending to be Dennis Quaid and I forgot to say "Nice mansion... Not!" to Bruce Springsteen. He gave me a suspicious look, so I had to punch his dog in the face to show him I'm hot s**t. That was a close one, but he was so impressed, he gave me six limos as a doggie bag.
#2Man or woman, nothing gets a celebrity hotter than being fisted with a handful of bees.
#3Make sure you're really good at barfing up corn-dogs.
I find it best to consume them whole, like a snake, or Madonna.