When They Were Young: Supervillain Science Projects


Victor Von Doom (Marvel Elementary)

Known Today As: Dr. Doom

Noted For: Despotic rule of Latveria; quest for world domination

Project: Erupting Hydrochloric Acid-Magnesium Volcano

Grade Received: D+

Teacher Comments:
Experiment was ambitious but went tragically awry, compared to Reed Richards' successful baking soda volcano at other end of gymnasium.

Parent-Teacher Discussion Ignored at Humanity's Peril:

"Victor resists wearing safety goggles in science lab and seems lost in fantasy much of the time. As a side note, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, why on earth would you name your child Victor Von Doom?"

Norman Osborn II (Stan Lee Preparatory Academy)

Known Today As: The Green Goblin

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Noted For: Success in chemical industry; obsessive crusade re: Spider-Man

Project: Insect Collection

Grade Received: C

Teacher Comments:
Substantial display, but spiders with two legs removed do not actually qualify as "insects."

Parent-Teacher Discussion Ignored at Humanity's Peril:

"Mr. Osborn, Norman has an unhealthy interest in... well, how can we put this? All he seems to have are unhealthy interests."

Otto Octavius (Kirby School For The Gifted)

Known Today As: Dr. Octopus

Noted For: Atomic physics research; criminal insanity

Project: Plutonium on Rye: Sandwich of the Future!

Grade Received: A+

Teacher Comments:
One onlooker accidentally mutated, but in a good way.

Parent-Teacher Discussion Ignored at Humanity's Peril:

"Your son is a brilliant student, but he's a bit shy and should be more physically active. And he really, REALLY hates both of you."

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George Maxon (B'nai Brith Charity Orphanage)

Known Today As: The Red Skull

Noted For: Nazi affiliation; espionage; sabotage; snazzy mask

Project: Salt/Pepper Separation Demonstration

Grade Received: F

Teacher Comments:
There is nothing magical nor "Aryan" about static electricity, and banishment of pepper to "concentration dump" via model railway is in exceedingly poor taste.

Parent-Teacher Discussion Ignored at Humanity's Peril:

"Every day is Halloween with George in our classroom. However, we are seriously concerned about his attitude toward our Jewish students, many of whom he has tried to kill."

Oswald Cobblepot (Bill Finger Elementary)

Known Today As: The Penguin

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Noted For: Umbrellas; unusual laugh

Project: Arctic Wildlife Diorama

Grade Received: B+

Teacher Comments:
Impressively detailed scale model, but indigenous fowl are not known to crack safes, plant bombs or assassinate policemen as depicted.

Parent-Teacher Discussion Ignored at Humanity's Peril:

"Oswald continues to avoid homework assignments and justify tardiness by faking his own death-a tactic considerably beyond the forged notes and casual truancy our disciplinary system is designed to handle."

"The Joker" (Arkham Academy)

Known Today As: The Joker

Noted For: Hand buzzers; squirt flowers; fashion sense

Project: Joker Gas

Grade Received: F

Teacher Comments:
Assignment obviously not taken seriously.

Parent-Teacher Discussion Ignored at Humanity's Peril:

"He certainly has a well-developed sense of humor- please -Really, he's great- help -I would never say anything- me -bad about him."

Mr. Zero (St. Brigid K-8)

Known Today As: Mr. Freeze

Noted For: Pioneering work in thermal sciences; extralegal application thereof

Project: Liquid Nitrogen and Your Pet

Grade Received: C+

Teacher Comments:
Project is technically impressive but exceedingly mean-spirited.

Parent-Teacher Discussion Ignored at Humanity's Peril:

"Mr. and Mrs. Zero, we wonder if your unfortunate last name might have something to do with your brilliant son's self-esteem issues."

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