"'Let It Go' Larry," Carl' Junior
After a failed attempt at using a bikini clad Paris Hilton to make burgers topped with onion rings sexy, Carl' Junior adopted a resounding "fuck it" stance with Larry, the antithesis of Subway' Jared. Addicted to Carl' Junior' Rodeo Burger and tattered word jumbles, Larry is 380 pounds of food-stained, slow-moving apathy.
"The Ghost of Dave Thomas," Wendy'
While initially envisioned as a good natured cross between the Family Circus' "Not Me" character and the Coz' "Ghost Dad" the decision to portray Thomas' face as realistically decomposed, along with his catch phrase, "Oh oooooooh, oooooooh how I miss the natural world! I'd suck dick for a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger," lent the campaign a creepy air of necrophilia that proved decidedly unappetizing.
"Harold McRib, Deadbeat Dad," McDonalds
To accentuate the McRib' intermittent appearances on the McDonald' menu, the fast food giant tossed around the idea of a transient, suitcase-toting father/husband figure, desperately trying to re-acclimate himself into the family fold. The pilot advertisement featured the mascot banging on the front door, yelling his never-to-catch-on catch phrases, "Baby, I'm back, please give me another chance", and culminated with Harold sulking at the OTB, solemnly addressing the audience with a closing statement, "Don't make the McRib go away again."