Once, I saw an automobile with only two doors! It must've been owned by a poor person, like Mr. Tayton, my balding Social Studies teacher.
Mr. Tayton gave me a C++ on my democracy report. When I asked him what the second plus was for, he said it was for not telling the principal about the long walks we take by the creek.
If I had a hundred dollars, I'd buy three automobiles, one for each of Daddy's maids that are always making breakfast for me. I like the short white one the best because some disease makes it so she can't talk. Daddy and the maids fight over who bought the last carton of cigarettes.
I had a pet kitten once but it died because the Puerto Rican murderer murdered it. It was his first and only victim. I should have named the kitten Automobile, but I didn't.
Kareem Olajuwon owned ten automobiles. Three of them were sports automobiles and one was a Cadillac. My book about automobiles doesn't say anything about the other six of Kareem Olajuwon's automobiles.
I've never been inside an automobile because the scientists who design them have yet to make an automobile that'll fit an iron lung.
If I were an automobile, I'd never get picked last for wiffle ball or have to sing old Irish folk songs to Mr. Tayton while he polishes his Ford Mustang with wallet-sized photos of his wife and kids. (Ford Mustang is what he calls his penis.)
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The flow of time is cruel to us all.
- By Mark Hill
- April 12, 2019