In this classic Cracked.com piece, Jay Pinkerton shares some practical advice on how to deal with a difficult situation. If you are currently hurtling toward the Earth with no clothes on, this is an article you can't afford to miss.
Chapter 14 in the Unlikely Attack Scenario Handbook
Where am I?
You are currently 34,272 feet above sea level. Don't bother committing this number to memory; it is likely to change often throughout the next few minutes.
Why am I 34,272 feet above sea level?
29,108 feet now, actually. And it's because in all likelihood you have just been pushed out of an airplane. Congratulations! This is rare.
Why am I naked?
There are a variety of sound reasons for you being naked right now. It's very likely, for instance, that you were nude prior to boarding the aircraft
and were unable to get a stewardess to bring you pants.
Alternatively, it's possible that you have done something recently to infuriate a drug lord, and that your nudity is meant to add a humiliating addendum to your demise.
Come to think of it, I got really drunk last night and made fun of somebody at a club.
That would have been Tyrone "Black Dynamite" Wilkins, the most feared drug lord in Detroit, and handily explains why you've being pushed out of an airplane. However, an insult alone wouldn't account for your nudity. Is it possible you made fun of his grotesquely large baby head?