Best Week Ever
until they were all fired for being too homely and non-Jewish.
The Muppet Christmas Carol
Like many Americans, our first encounter with Charles Dickens' classic novel was narrated by the inimitable Gonzo. Along with Roots,
this movie is one of the rare examples when the whole "the book is way better" claim is total horseshit.VERDICT:
While it' not necessarily the best Muppet movie, The Muppet Christmas Carol
is far and away Michael Caine' strongest performance. Of course, the only other films we've seen him in are Jaws: The Revenge
and The Swarm,
but chances are the rest of his career isn't much more impressive.AUDIT FACT:
Though Jim Henson supposedly died in 1990, there' strong reason to believe he' been secretly producing a sprawling masterpiece with Elvis, Kurt Cobain, and Tupac manning their Muppet versions.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
If only the real world had holiday-themed towns like those in The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Oh man, we'd pack up shop and move to Mardi Gras-opolis and party all day and all night. And then we'd go fuck shit up in Earth Dayville like it was nobody' business. We're the coolest.VERDICT:
By far the spookiest and most clay-filled Christmas movie, Nightmare
proves that Tim Burton is looking out for the kids. But compared to the rest of his oeuvre, it lands somewhere between Sleepy Hollow
and that cool mixtape he made for a girl in high school.AUDIT FACT:
As proud members of the list-making community, we protest this film' eligibility to be included in Christmas movie lists along with Halloween movie lists. There have to be firm ground rules, or all these lists we toil over become exercises in frivolity. And we can't have that, now can we?