Banished by my religion from my family and friends due to my "beffudling disregard for authority" and "lack of moral compass" has left me to my own devices for the past 5 years. Hilarity has ensued. A childlike reaction to rejection (jaguar incident-DETAILS WITHELD), flight from sensible decisions, destruction of any serious relationship in spectacular fashion, a crippling addiction to mockery, a baffling inability to distinguish boundary lines, beloved and hated, spat upon and applauded, and I have 5 lives left. I am now boarding your boat with great belligerence and demand your white women and your jewels.

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