I was raped by an angel at an early age, causing me to develop superhuman abilities, which were given to me when I was bitten by an irradiated koala who had been swimming in a pool of toxic waste after a botched nuclear experiment. I WAS that koala. Wait... I WAS that toxic waste! No, I WAS that angel! Yeah, that sounds cooler.

Since that day, my left eye can shoot a beam of high-velocity rock n roll. My right eye shoots a beam of pure plausible deniability. (I swear she told me she was 18... plus, she was already dead when I found her...)

And... my nipples dispense ice cream. But not the soft serve kind - it's the Ben & Jerry's kind. Soft serve ice cream is for pussies. I like my ice cream like I like my coffee - chunky.

Visit my site at ProgenDev.com.