I'm Just ... Tired

I'm tired.

From what I've seen on the internet, we're all tired. And while normally I'd try to give some sort of insight into a problem or offer up some semblance of a solution, or at the very least talk about my balls, I don't know what to do here. Maybe you can help me with this one. I'm at a loss. I'm tired.

I'm tired of seeing high-powered politicians making a national argument over where someone is allowed to shit. I'm tired of them thinking the fight is actually about bathrooms. I'm tired of seeing assholes who don't deserve even one more second of fame twisting words to make it sound like transgender people are at high risk of committing sexual assault ... when the actual numbers show them as victims. I'm tired of people not knowing that there's a difference between "sexuality" and "gender."

I'm tired of hearing about how our most powerful representative wants to round up millions of illegal immigrants like cattle and send them ... just anywhere but here. I'm tired of worrying about him redefining for the rest of the world what we stand for. I'm tired of looking evil-by-association to my friends in other countries, other cultures, and other religions because I don't have the mental energy to denounce this constant stream of horseshit every time another terrifying news turd is squeezed out of its abnormally large butthole.

I'm tired of feeling ashamed when my Muslim friends ask why I haven't publicly stood with them and denounced the immigration bans that directly affect their overseas friends and family. I'm tired of feeling anger when I do stand up and get flooded with people saying, "You write dick jokes for a living on a comedy site. Shut the fuck up, you goddamn snowflake SJW white knight." I'm tired of feeling satisfaction when I see those people getting punched on YouTube.

I'm tired of my relatives not seeing the blatant lies and contradictions coming out of the White House on a daily basis ... of being angry that they didn't know about two terrorist attacks that were completely made up by the leaders of the United States. I'm tired of hating them because they're ignoring information that is readily available to anyone who has the balls to switch the TV channel once per day.

I'm tired.

My mother is paralyzed on one side of her body. She's been bedridden for over ten years. She lives in a broken-down trailer and survives on disability and government assistance. I pay half of her bills because she can't afford both a telephone and medication. I'm tired of hearing multimillionaires say that if she buys a 12-pack of knockoff soda with food stamps, she's somehow fucking the American people. I'm tired of people claiming that she is living a life of luxury on the taxpayers' dime. Fuck every last goddamn one of you who think that.

I'm tired of seeing massive corporations getting the government to do what they want, while actual citizens wield their ability to do exactly jack shit. I'm tired of people reading statements like this and assuming I'm anti-business or that I don't understand how capitalism works. I. Am. Fucking. Tired.

I'm tired of people watching video after video of black people being shot in the street and then arguing with them over who gets shot more by the police. Whether or not he or she deserved it. Watching people get more offended by the conversation than the image of a fellow human dying right in front of their eyes, regardless of "who is at fault."

I'm tired of extremists getting a worldwide platform so they can spout their dumb, hateful bullshit -- that they're held up to the rest of the world as representatives of myself and my country. I'm tired of worrying that the rest of the world is going to turn on us and say, "This is the new face of hate and intolerance, and it must be dealt with. Have the military tune up the brown note cannon."

So what do I do? I mean, when you're tired, you take a nap. You lay down, close your eyes, and wake up fresh. So do I take a break? From the world? Do I shut down all of my social media accounts? Because I cannot go on there without seeing a fire hose stream of news stories, arguments, commentaries, thinkpieces, hot takes, and that GIF of the "white guy blinking".

Do I take time off of work? I spend 20 percent of my day on editorial calls, discussing current events, which makes every meeting boil down to "Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Batman." I edit articles on a daily basis, so I'm bound to run into something political or news-related. Do I stop talking to friends and family? All conversations quickly morph into, "Did you see that crazy shit on the news this morning?" Seems rude to just hang up or walk away mid-sentence ... though that would admittedly be pretty funny.

No, the point is that it's inescapable. The world is a stressful place, and bad shit is happening regardless of what my brain does with that information. The only thing I (and you, I suppose) can do is find an occasional distraction, hit the reset button, and dive back into the day with a little pause and a sigh like Al Bundy in Married With Children.

Don't worry, I'm not depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I'm just ... tired. Maybe David Wong has some more perspective on how to handle it. Or if you need a break before reading that, here's a distraction:

It's Spring Break! You know what that means! Hot coeds getting loose on the beaches of Cancun and becoming imperiled in all classic beach slasher ways: Man-eating shark, school of piranhas, James Franco with dreadlocks. There are so many films about vacations gone wrong, it's a chore to wonder if there's even such a thing as a movie vacation gone right. Amity Island and Camp Crystal Lake are out. So what does that leave? The ship from Wall-E? Hawaii with the Brady Bunch? A road trip with famous curmudgeon Chevy Chase? On this month's live podcast Jack O'Brien and the Cracked staff are joined by some special guest comedians to figure out what would be the best vacation to take in a fictional universe.

Get your tickets here:

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