That’s right, folks, you heard it here first (or, alternatively, in The Guardian). Due to time constraints related to this week’s column, the Friday DOB article is the Saturday DOB article for this week only. (Editor’s Note: DOB’s column will now be running Monday. This was not his decision. His column is complete, and I am in fact rubbing it all over my nude body as I type this, so excuse any typos. - Jack) To suggest that my column is only late because I spent Thursday eating nachos and screaming at the basketball players on my television is positively ludicrous, and you open yourself up to legal action if you even consider that as a possibility.
In the meantime, I suggest that you take this opportunity to discuss and/or celebrate boobs in the comment section. Aren’t they great? They’re really special, all the time.
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November 3rd, 2009 at 6:04 am
jesus, ive seen that picture of those boobs so many times (mostly on this site). im willing to bet its the most popular picture of boobs on the internet. i wonder who the owner of those ubiqutous boobies is now, and whether she knows that they’re all over the web.
October 17th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I like boobies.
July 30th, 2009 at 6:55 am
( insert some stupid shit here )
June 16th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
ninjas can never be sexy…. because if they had big boobs they would be off balance
sad but true
June 16th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
I think he’s actually nailed it. The Daily Mail should just one day print a headline that says ‘Immigrants forcing us into Europe to raise taxes’ so they can be done with it.
June 15th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
DH - you don’t live in the UK or know anything about it’s newspapers do you?
June 15th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
PLEASE don’t say you read the Guardian! There are 2 extremist papers in the UK - The Daily Mail (far right) and The Guardian (Far Left). Both are just excuses to publish propoganda…
June 15th, 2009 at 4:15 am
Ok everyone! Whining time is over! Is DOB ok? Something might have happened too him, seriously.
Get well soon DOB!
June 14th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
POST IT’S MONDAY
June 14th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Oh, DOB, waiting for your column makes me sad.
It also makes me excited for Monday, which makes me all kinds of uncomfortable.
June 14th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Who is kidding who? DOB gave us a clue: (.Y.)
He’s getting some action! It warms my heart he’s feeling boobies. Blaming it on basketball(or whatnot) was merely a diversion. I would rather have him snuggled up caressing breasts than read why Land of the Lost sucked or why some tweener fad is inane. Go Dan!
June 14th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
I love sexy stuff!! LOL
Do U Wanna find sexy partners to have fun? Please check out__ http://WealthyMingle.net _ where you can meet the sexy beauties, wealthy singles and even hot celebs. What are you waiting for? Find your sexy partner NOW!
June 14th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Oh god, we all know what DOB means when he says “legal action”…
June 14th, 2009 at 1:42 am
If seanbaby is ever late like this I will cut you, Cracked. And I don’t mean the “you’re off the team, fatty” kind of cut you. I mean “mexican in a dark alley” cut you.
Also, I demand a seanbaby action figure where the hair is made of his hair and when I brush it he tells me he loves me.
Also, don’t judge me.
June 13th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Liar ! Whats your excuse this time? Rubbing one out to a repeat of SNL’s season finale? Get your stuff together Statch.
WTF
June 13th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Gifs is a district of the island nation of Mambul, a militant nation ruled by a dictator named Teodora Maquell. It’s inhabitants tend to be dark-haired, full-lipped and slender; this is regrettably balanced by their tendency to excessive body hair. Don’t worry, they wax. The men too. It gets a little awkward if you’re not used to it. The ladies do, indeed, have some pretty sweet boobs, though their very dark red nipples may be an acquired taste? That pun was totally intended.
The climate is warm and sunny; even in winter it rarely drops below sixty-five degrees. The island is mostly covered in a species of grass noted for it’s fast growth, and the shores are covered in date palms and coconut palms. Toward the middle of the island farmers grow pineapples, sugarcane, and somewhat incongruously, potatoes, among other crops. The surrounding waters are home to the infamous sharktopus, which is in fact just what it sounds like.
They used to have a thriving sex tourism industry, partly because of the government’s tacit acceptance of the income. This stems from the popularity of nude beaches, the fact that their legal age of consent is 14 for girls and 12 for guys, and their notoriously low alchohol tolerance. Put this together with the fact that almost none of the girls there would find anything weird about a threesome with their sister and you’ve got a pervert’s paradise.
Perhaps unfortunately, some years ago a man named Ferdano Maquell (or Maqell, different people spell it different ways) lead a coup against the unstable oligarchic government and instituted a form of socialism. Under the control of his daughter Teodora this has shifted to open tyranny. The island is now closed to travel, patrolled by gunboats, and their internet connections are closely monitored. Rumors hold that Maquell has bribed all major satellite mapping companies to conceal the island, and it seems as though she is trying to hide it from the outside world altogether.
It has the highest ration of boobs to people in the world. It is AWESOME.
June 13th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Apparently nobody’s seen the update:
They’re really special, all the time.
UPDATE:
Looks like the column will be landing around Monday. So. That.
Last 5 posts by Daniel O’Brien
June 13th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
So according to the Cracked Round Up, Dan was eating salsa, then masturbated and got jalapeño juice on his ding ding. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Reminds me of a joke,
Guy goes to the Doctor and say “Doc my penis is orange”
and the Doc says “My, My I’ve never heard of that, perhaps it stress.
Have you had recent life changes? and the guy says “Yes, I just got divorced and I lost my job”.
And the Doc says “Well what are you doing with you free time?”
And the guy says ” mostly eating Cheeto’s and watching p0rnos.
June 13th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Guys, I think this is a Cracked social experiment. They will deny us our articles, to see how much we can take before we break. First Bucholz missed. Now DOB. Who’s next? Another extended HBN break? Swaim missing in an “accident”? Seanbaby realizing that no amount of money is worth working in the Cracked offices?
Who knows.
June 13th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Laggerific, DOB.
June 13th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
It’s Saturday … getting late … where the fuck is out artivle you unprofessional slug? Hmmm?
It’s alright I guess … I’d be more upset if it were a S.W.A.I.M. article i was missing.
June 13th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
hehehehe boobs. in chocolate. and ninjas.
June 13th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Boobs are spectacular.
Except when they’re not.
But there are a lot of nice ones.
I think this discussion needs pictures.
June 13th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
It;’s sunday now here in Europe…
June 13th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Ah, yes, also….. uh…. Boobs.
June 13th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
See Dan, according to the round up it had something to with your dick, I knew it.
BTW by all accounts it is Saturday SO WHERE’S THE FUCKING COLUMN YOU PERVERTED MIDGET LEPRECHAUN?
June 13th, 2009 at 9:45 am
It’s Sattuuuurrrrrrrrrdaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Where’s the article?? Huh? Where???
I need laughs dammit!
June 13th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Don’t marry Mike. He’s (She’s?) just in it for you money and fame.
June 13th, 2009 at 9:02 am
the problem with boobs is that there are things which are NOT boobs, and that makes me very sad
June 13th, 2009 at 8:48 am
DOB… I love you.
Marry me.
June 13th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Awesome! Now we’ll have something to read on Saturday. For once.
June 13th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Thwackoo please do everyone a favor and not repopulate your stupid into the next generation. I am surprised that you could type a complete sentence even though it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. Never again thanks.
Best
June 13th, 2009 at 6:25 am
I feel like it’s Saturday…
June 13th, 2009 at 6:10 am
The girl in the gif is Shay Laren, can’t help you with a location though.
Also, it may be a bit late but… Beat L.A!
June 13th, 2009 at 4:30 am
Breasts, I have two of them. They aight…. =)
June 13th, 2009 at 1:39 am
Has anyone noticed that BOOBS and DOB are nealy spelt the same? I think this may a coded threat to America/The World created by illuminati/New World Order/Space Pirate Nazis.
June 12th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Seriously where the fucknuckles is Gifs?
I will drop everything and move there right now
June 12th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
boobs are a wonderful thing.
unless:
1.fat girls.(uness you’re into that)
2.gravity applies.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
it’s Saturday EST POST!
June 12th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Is it sad that i’d rather read dob then look at or talk about boobs!!
June 12th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
@greengoddess: thank you.
June 12th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Where the hell is gifs? I move there right now if all the women looked like that. Her ass could be bigger though.
June 12th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I propose we move to gifs now. I’m in love
http://img8.imageshack.us/img8/5176/2qv8bcp.gif
June 12th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Boobs are awesome. I wish I had boobs.
June 12th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Good stuff!__ http://MatchRich.com __where you can meet the wealthy singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs. Hook up sexy partner easier and more effective! What are you waiting for? Just Sign up and hook up the sexy beauties now!
June 12th, 2009 at 11:31 am
DOB how can you let us down like this. I’d expect it from someone like Bucholtz, but never you. Guess I have no choice but to wait for Saturday now.
June 12th, 2009 at 11:27 am
I personally am a fan of all boobs chocolate, green, whatever…..
except this one chick I went out with one time, had a good amount of hair around her areola and it wasn’t both of them witch at least would had a certain symmetry, it was just one of them.
That was kind of weird. Didn’t stop me from having sex with her though.
I’m sure you all wanted to know that.
June 12th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Those boobs in the picture are Nanny Dickering’s, don’t know who that is, look it up.
@greengoddess, Thank you for giving me a mental visage of loveliness that will sustain me through my day.
June 12th, 2009 at 11:18 am
So, how do you guys feel about chocolate colored nipples? Personally, those are the only boobs to which I am not a fan.
June 12th, 2009 at 10:58 am
I agree with DirtyJerz. Whilst I don’t mind those boobs, I really appreciate many racks. Variety is the spice of life. Maybe a pair of boobs from each nation.
June 12th, 2009 at 10:46 am
80085 ;P
June 12th, 2009 at 10:32 am
who’s boobs are those?
June 12th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Those boobs are special.
All the time.
June 12th, 2009 at 10:27 am
You know, I’m getting bored of the ‘Standard Cracked Boob’ picture…can’t we get an update? This is what you have underpaid and underfed interns for, isn’t it?
Use mine, if you have to..this is getting crazy..
June 12th, 2009 at 10:25 am
@Chickenlips: “Boobs aside” is what happens when I lie down on my back.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Oh yeah and BOOBS, BOOBS,BOOBS!!!!!!!
June 12th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Oh come off it DOB, we all know that you caught your dick in that machine from the craptions contest today.
I hear they heard the screams all the way to Washington state.
Very loud, girlie, girlie screams.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Boobs aside, I suspect Mr. O’Brien is merely covering up for a week spent fighting crime in his super-secret vigilante group M&M.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:29 am
BOOBS ARE AWESOME!!!
June 12th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Snaddad needs less inciting of legal action and more talking of regal breasts.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Sorry Bro. Hope you’re feeling better soon: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=28&sku=E-CD00321 XOXO!
June 12th, 2009 at 9:21 am
can’t fool me, because i know you know nothing about sports. therefore, you were just lazy, or working at your part time job as a surgeon. after all, I trust you because i know you are a doctor