There are two statements you can make with 100 percent certainty about any fictional character in history: somebody has drawn that character naked, and someone has voiced a public complaint about that character for an objectively ludicrous reason.
Characters in children's entertainment seem to get the worst of the latter (and probably the former as well), constantly finding themselves at the center of absurd controversies manufactured by misguided people who apparently exist solely to tear the joy out of everything they see. For example ...
#6. The Malaysian Government Banned Power Rangers for Promoting Heroin Abuse
In America, fears that the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers were corrupting children went no further than kids suffering awesome injuries while trying to imitate the show in their driveways. But the Power Rangers problem in Malaysia was a bit different (and dumber). In December 1995, the Malaysian government took the show off the air because, according to them, it was encouraging kids to stick needles in their veins and fill them with hospital-grade opioids. We admittedly do not remember the particular episode in question.
Although Bulk and Skull were always more than a little suspect.
As it turns out, the ban had nothing to do with the show's content. Malaysia targeted Mighty Morphin Power Rangers because they thought the word "morphin" was a little too close to "morphine." The country's deputy home minister claimed that the show was telling children that all they needed to do to become superheroes was find that shaky man hanging out behind the mattress store and score a dime of sweet, sweet H. Admittedly, Zordon must've slipped those teenagers something, because it only takes him nine seconds to convince them that thrusting oversized belt buckles into the air and shouting the names of prehistoric animals will transform them into magical ninjas.
"It won't be any of those dinosaurs with brains in their butts, right? Cuz if so, no deal."
However, despite failing to take similar precautions as Malaysia, no other country reported an increase in the number of preteens climbing on the Horse. It might have been because morphine doesn't exactly come on the candy rack at the drugstore, or it might have been because no one else in the fucking universe would've ever come to that daffy "morphin/morphine" conclusion.
Talk to Snizzard. He'll hook you up.
In the end, Malaysia decided to allow Mighty Morphin Power Rangers back on the air, provided the show dropped the "Morphin" from the title and the characters fought rubber aliens as the Mighty Power Rangers ... which honestly doesn't make any less sense as a title, we suppose.
#5. Harry Potter Fans Rage Against an Obviously Asian Character Being Portrayed as Asian
Warner Bros. Pictures
Cho Chang, the pretty Ravenclaw girl in the Harry Potter series who gives Harry his first kiss/non-embarrassing erection, was the center of a huge backlash when the film version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was released in 2005. Katie Leung, the actress cast as Cho, conceivably expected some amount of fan hate when she accepted the role, because it goes with the territory when you're making nerd movies. What caught Leung off guard, though, was that an unusual number of fans hated her for the unforgivable crime of being Asian.
Warner Bros. Pictures
Who would commit such a horrible deed, aside from a couple billion people worldwide?
Years before the similarly vile Hunger Games race "controversy," some Harry Potter fans were deeply confused and upset over the fact that the actress playing Cho Chang wasn't a God-fearing white girl like Cho was in their minds. "How," you may be asking, "could they have been taken off guard by this, when 'Cho Chang' is arguably one of the most Chinese names ever written down on paper?" Well, according to the grievants, Cho had to be a white English girl adopted by Chinese parents who gave her a Chinese name, because how else would she have been accepted to Hogwarts, a purely British school of wizardry? Evidently, the suggestion of a mystical race of British Chinese people was too far-fetched for a story featuring dragons and centaurs -- that's simply too much magic for an audience to digest.
And it's not like the books ever say that Cho isn't white, except, you know, for the freaking illustrations:
"Hey, you mind? I'm trying to get her to Expecto my Patronum."
The final ridiculous argument in this debate saw angry, racist nerds insisting that Cho must be white because the books say she has freckles, and no Asian person in the history of Earth's celestial rotation has ever had freckles.
Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
To her credit, Katie Leung doesn't seem to have been affected by the ordeal. But regrettably, some fans will undoubtedly continue to spit venom at her until J.K. Rowling writes the next set of Harry Potter books and changes Cho Chang's wand to a goddamned chopstick.
#4. London Banned Peter Rabbit for Being "Middle Class"
The Inner London Education Authority was a local council tasked with providing proper education to London's children. For some reason, they decided to accomplish this goal by banning all of the children's favorite books. In the interest of social justice, political correctness, or whatever buzzword was in vogue back then, in 1985 the ILEA declared that all "racist, sexist, and imperialist books" were to be removed from school shelves. Oliver Twist, for example, was tossed on the grounds of being "anti-Semitic," while Tom Sawyer was determined to be "sexist" and "racist" (in all fairness, Charles Dickens was a bit of an anti-Semite).
However, in a move that made significantly less sense, the ILEA banned Beatrix Potter's The Tale of Peter Rabbit for the salacious crime of portraying "middle-class rabbits."
Look at that rich fuck. Not all of us can so easily feed 75 percent of our children, you know.
Yes, that Peter Rabbit, the one who lived with his family in constant fear of Mr. McGregor, the farmer who owns all of the vegetables they depend on to survive, and who killed Peter's father. Somewhere in all of that, the ILEA felt that Peter Rabbit was flaunting too much privilege, and that this somehow constituted a complete lack of representation of poor, oppressed rabbits in Beatrix Potter's world -- clear evidence of the author's sinister middle-class agenda (although at no point in the story do we recall Peter and his wife driving the kids to soccer practice in their Prius).
Besides, he and Benjamin Bunny were clearly the ones with a thing goin' on.
At this point in the 1980s, the ILEA was already notorious for being borderline fanatical, so while the book ban pissed off plenty of people, it didn't exactly shock them. Luckily for the children of London, the ILEA was abolished in 1990, along with their ridiculous bans. Margaret Thatcher then presumably chased them out of London with a rake, collecting their discarded clothes and using them to build scarecrows.
They have almost as much power as the queen does.