Why America Is Still Awesome
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Every Saturday we let some of our favorite writers fill in for us. Today, a man by the name of John Devore gives America a pep-talk. Mr. Devore has written and edited for Maxim and other magazines (which are like the internet, but on paper and with skinnier pornography). First things first: Don't freak out about the title. I know things look bleak. You're stocking up on shotgun shells and Dinty Moore Beef Stew, dreading the day you inevitably have to pitchfork-fight a hobo over the last piece of firewood in the Hooverville. Hell, you might even be thinking that Kanye West was wrong for once: maybe "The Good Life" isn't all that. Maybe the mass pursuit of diamond-spackled grills, champagne Jacuzzis and McMansions the size of Vatican City was not actually the happiness we totally had the right to pursue.
This past year, we learned that karma is a bitch. That Wall Street is run by Hamburglars. The government is basically too many pigs at too small a trough. That we're broke, at war(s) and, instead of dealing with it, we've chosen to watch celebrities dance, dance, dance for the bloodthirsty hordes. We torture to make ourselves feel safer, cheat each other to make ourselves richer and have generally behaved like raging assholes. I get all that, and still I say with total and utter conviction: America is awesome. And we're awesome because we are batshit, out of our minds crazy. The French are intellectuals, the Russians are brooders and the Chinese are hard workers. Americans are crazy. Our optimism, ambition, and self-interest verges on the manic.
Think about it - we're a country of over 300 million people, and each of us is told, and honestly, earnestly believes that we're special. That we have a right to pursue happiness. There's no guarantee that happiness will ever happen. We're just cleared to chase, lunge and claw after that happiness, like an eternal dangling carrot. Our dreams matter. This is pounded into us. It is part of our collective DNA. Everyone is special. We believe it, even if it isn't true. When we succeed, we succeed big (see: the Empire State Building, Moon landing, cheese-stuffed pizza crust). When we fail, we fail big (see: the Great Depression, Slavery, Spider-man 3). We lurch and strive and aspire to greatness. Other countries fear us (not just because we have over 7,000 tactical nukes, though how utterly crazy is that?). They fear us, mainly, because we are an experiment, and experiments can explode. Or they can go on a rampage, like Frankenstein's monster.
Frankenstien might actually be the closest cultural predecessor. America isn't a democracy where majority rules. We're an anti-tyranny-ocracy. We're terrified of tyranny, no matter what form it takes: the government, the free market, your neighbors. The mob can never fully be trusted. Don't tread on me. Get off my lawn. The forefathers had total faith in two things: "freedom" and "people are jerks." They knew that power corrupts, and so they created a system where power is like a bacon-grease slathered football: slippery.
Checks and balances, filibusters and the rule of law. Eventually, the person who's got the power will drop it. And then there's a madcap, sometimes vicious scramble. Then someone has the football again. Repeat. I like to think of myself as a Patriot. I know that's kind of cheesy, but I've OD'd on snark recently. Sorry internet, but pure, uncut ironic disaffection has become an inadequate coping mechanism. I am not a bible-thumping, jingoistic redneck with the stars and stripes tattooed over generous man boobs. Nor am I an effete, pseudo-intellectual hipster with smooth, manicured hands who blames America for inventing cancer, earthquakes and human vices. But I am a Patriot, because this country gives me the right to be off my rocker. Let me define my Patriotism: I think America is awesome the way the Whos in Whoville think Christmas is awesome. A Grinch can steal all the accouterments of patrio-eroticism --the flag, the eagle, the Statue of Liberty. And like the Whos, who didn't require gifts or a tree to celebrate Christmas, I will happily salute the idea that defines "America."
And that idea is basically that I get to say this: I am John DeVore and you are not. I am a right wing pinko, a militant centrist, a control freak anarchist. I believe in gun rights and gay rights. I want gays to experience the joys of divorce, and I want them to be well armed. I am a Texan, which means I'm the American equivalent of a Klingon. But I live in Queens, New York, one of the most ethnically diverse places on Earth. My local dive bar is the United Nations. I'm a half-Mexican/half-redneck, who was raised both a Catholic and a Baptist. How many countries does that happen in? It happens here like ... all the time. I'm not even the weirdest multicultural mutt out there - we elected one for president.
I have dreams, and I work my ass off stumbling in the general direction of those dreams. And all I ask is this: If I tell you to get off my lawn, get off my lawn. If I don't tell you to get off my lawn, come on in! Let's drink beer and play Xbox. I am one of approximately 301,139,947 other people who all think they are special. Are we all really special? Who knows. Probably not. It's a savage world and life is cheap. But we think we are. That's what counts. I'm not excusing our excesses and mistakes. Actions have consequences, and even America is not immune to that fundamental fact of nature. We all go down together. But we're still awesome, not down for the count. It is a dark time for the rebel alliance. But our adaptability and individuality will succeed. Each of us will succeed, alone and together. We can't count on politicians because, let's face it, they are glorified sanitation workers. Count, instead, on the Awesomeness of America: our pursuit will not be deterred or delayed. Don't call it a comeback. Winston Churchill once wrote "Always count on America to do the right thing, after they've exhausted every other option." Well we've done everything except the right thing for a nice long stretch of time and we're, if nothing else, exhausted. Looks like we're well on our way ladies and gents! |
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great article! i'm damn proud to be an american, and it's good to see other people still are too.
Great article.
@Columbus: Oh yeah, we were totally the first and only country to step into the Middle East. Not, y'know, Britain or Russia or anything. Not at all. And Iraq never hated the West before Bush. Nuh-uh.
I'm not saying I agree with the war in Iraq, because I don't. But it's ridiculous to say that only the bumbling USA tried to step in.
The "democratic government" in Iraq is a load of crap, it won't hold, it's just a facade.
PS, NG14916, ur an ignorant piece of s**t.
Jesus, why don't you Americans get it? There are no terrorists. And the ones that do exist are none of your business. They were against each other over there in the Middle East, but, thanks to your invasion and over-eager trigger fingers, they are know against you too. And Iraq is a mess. Poor Iraqis are all either dead, dying or poor, with currently no government and being juicy invasion bait for like three adjacent nations. No offense, America, but you really stepped in s**t with that one.
One of my favorite articles on this entire site.
Nice job John Devore.
Ok, so attacking Iraq wasn't just about distracting the terrorists, but that was a big part of it. And no, Pakistan is not truly our ally. They take our money, but they do nothing to stop the terrorists because their people sympathize with the terrorists, and Pakistan's government funds them. Why else does the U.S. have to keep threatening Pakistan to take more legitimate actions to root out the terrorist organizations? Why else have Bush and Obama resorted to using unmanned aircraft to fire missiles at suspected terrorists in Pakistan? It's because Pakistan doesn't really want to help us. And can't you ignorant idiots see that the terrorists' tactics are working? If we pull out of Iraq too soon, we will lose, and the democratic govt. there can collapse. The terrorists are effectively achieving their goal of breaking the American spirit so that we can't stop them. And yes, invading Iraq was necessary and will make things better for us in the long run. By attacking the terrorists there, we don't have to deal with them here. By deposing Hussein, we were eliminating someone who backed the terrorists. This war, though unpopular, was necessary. We can't blame all our problems on George Bush instead of dealing with them ourselves. We have to recognize that he acted in the best interests of his country, and that we took the better of two equally unpopular possible courses of action. And quite frankly, as an American, I can say that the rest of the world can go f**k itself if it doesn't like America. Our country has done so much good for the world and has only received criticism for trying to do the right thing, and if no one else wants to admit it, then quite frankly, we don't care. If our lack of concern about what the Europeans think is what causes them to consider us rude, then so be it.
One of the reasons America gets a bad reputation is because it is overcovered. American culture is so widely shown to countries around the world due to its wealth and focus on the entertainment industry, that it comes under far more scrutiny than any other nation. As such, its flaws can be picked apart more readily. You can go and look at any culture and find bizzare, backwards or just plain retarded aspects to it.
Secondly, humans have a psychological and social need to have an enemy, and since America is such an open society and the worlds main superpower for now, it serves the role greatly. Ive noticed alot of people will use cognative dissonance in order to paint their views on America negatively, viewing it as an enemy in one form or another. People will be horribly critical of the US while completely ignore the flaws, even when theyre the same flaws, of other countries.
And lastly, its wealth and culture of entitlement has created a selfish and lazy portion of the population that are all too good at giving the US a bad name abroad.
The fact that an article like this can be written is why America is awesome.
I just wanted to say that every country has their own brand of corruption, racism, and economic problems. I think America just gets all the blame because it has the most influence, for better or worse.
althoug i have read too much today, and i did not read this article. I think america is being satanized, and most of it is thanks to censorship/
YES censorship, for example: iraq, is a poor country, poor countries can not afford W of M D
. still lots of USA people think they were defending themselves.
you should just go and make a revolution or something, because, (although i know some cool usa ppl) you are becoming the laziest, and most obese and most agressive society in the world.
so if it was my society i'd tear it down, just to start over again, from scratch
As an American, I certainly appreciate this article (of course). But I also resonate with what JasonVoorhees and CodyCastor are saying, respectively.
I think that some of the problem in America and with Americans being ignorant has to do with the way information is distributed within the country, which is linked to the free market. Most information sources are privately owned and operated and thus are beholden to making profits for their stockholders, whether they report actual news or not. Since about the 1970's or so, news organizations have concentrated on reporting softer, more sensational news in order to sell papers and television adspace and thus generate the profits that their corporate owners expect. Thusly, the quality of relevant information presented to Americans has taken a nosedive.
And the thing is, there's not really a good alternative to the privately-owned channels--PBS is an absolute joke compared to, say, the BBC or NHK (both of which are public television channels elsewhere).
Look, I don't want to come off sounding like I'm bashing on capitalism because I don't dislike it at all. However, I do feel that there are certain key industries that are not serving the best interests of all of the citizenry by being left completely up to the whims of the free market.
Well, I'm gonna post this and let the name-calling begin...:|
@lira
are you serious with the racist part?
You might be partially right with much of that statement but with americans being the most racist? We've just elected a half-black president and there's no european country or heck, any other country in the world that would elect a president of a minority race
Say what you want about America but I ain't leavin'. Only in America can one be broke while playing a $500 gaming system and talking on a $600 iphone. f****n A.
ya know what? this article is pretty f*****g great
I too hope America makes a Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler style comeback
@Ruby-Exactly who are you so angry at. I'm confused.
And that was a good f*****g article, you pompous assholes.
I don't know if anyone else here has experienced this, but I'm just too over-f****n-whelmed with all of this s**t to even form a coherent thought or opinion on it. I watch the news three times everyday:waking up, after work, and before I go to sleep. I still can't wrap my head around it. Most days it seems like America is the only country on this planet that makes mistakes, but I still have a near-instinctual urge to defend it. I feel guilt for even looking white when I'm mostly Navajo. So I have some f*****g questions while it's still legal for me to ask them.
Am I guilty for the crimes of my government or my ancestors or of whites that existed on this continent before most of my caucasian ancestors showed up? Do I need to agree with and support the wars my country ignites? Should I be ashamed of my homeland? Am I a bad/good/special/detestful organism bumbling around on a planet full of other dumb creatures for no purpose but to consume and cheat and destroy?
So, all of you who seem to have the entire f****n' puzzle figured out, see what you can do with these new ones.
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99% of people who are against Iraq have 0% of a clue as to what is REALLY going on over here (I say HERE because I am HERE right now) and simply take in information from god knows where (CNN, MSNBC, FOX, Interwebs) and suddenly something in your head clicks "HAY I CAN BELIEVE THIS."
I assure you, however, the truth is far less exciting and headline-capturing. Get this: we are doing a good thing here in Iraq. And get this too: the Iraqi's like us. No, scratch that... they LOVE us.
Take a second and imagine you live in a third world nation with no Xbox, Blu Ray, MTV, Snickers, Mountain Dew, internet, or Cracked.com. You live in a nation where your strong opinions (and believe me, you all have very VERY STRONG opinions, because it is allowed here, especially online where EVERYBODY is on a holy crusade of justice for something, which is usually being absolutely cynical towards EVERYTHING) will get your head rolling down the street. And by street I mean long stretch of hard-packed sand littered with feces, carcasses and literal tons of trash. You live in a country where politics is a completely seperate entity from the populace and you are not allowed to voice your opinion, vote, debate, or even criticize anything remotely political. You live in a country where at birth you are prescribed a set of beliefs and rules and should you break them, you lose your life. You live in a country where women LITERALLY are pieces of meat. Where women at a very young age have their genitals shaved off and sewn shut. Where women after being forced to marry for ridiculous reasons die of bloodloss their first time having intercourse because of the mutilation performed to ensure they were virgins for their husband. A country where you are told at a VERY young age who is evil and who is good. And I will give you a hint, everybody not in your country is evil. If you are caught sympathizing with them, your head is on the street.
Now imagine the spoiled rotten brats of the world, who have all the money and power and green green grass God could create, astonishingly take notice and put aside their MTV's for 8+ years to risk their lives and FIX YOUR DAMN PROBLEM FOR YOU.
First is the resentment. The "why now, assholes?" feeling of apprehension when it comes to trusting them. You've been tortured for years and years but they never took notice, so why now? That doesn't last long though, because once that first glimmer of hope, that first feeling of "hey, this COULD work" appears, you are all aboard.
Now fast forward a few years and take a look at where you are. You can walk down your street with a cross around your neck. You can feel safe walking around your markets. You can celebrate christmas if you want. YOU CAN VOTE. Furthermore, and most importantly, you feel SAFE. You know your kids are safe, as is your family and hell... even your livestock if you have any. You can now open up that business you have dreamt of opening, without fear of government intervention (as in them stepping in and taking all profits or produce, then killing you or raping your wife/daughter). You can do whatever. It may not be the United States, but compared to anything you have ever fealt in your lifetime, YOU ARE FREE.
And who is there to thank? That spoiled rotten country on the other side of the world. They didn't have to come and help. Sure, there may be battles over your oil or perhaps you lost a buddy to collateral damage, but looking back at where you started, it is a small price to pay for your freedom.
That is the story in Iraq. That is the story you will probably never hear either, because it is far more interesting to talk about Marines raping locals, politicians arguing over resources, and for whatever reason (even if it is totally and completely untrue) the boys in blue losing the war.
I know it is called the WAR on terror, but this has NEVER been a war. It is damn cliche' to use the term "Police action" but there isn't a better description out there. If a police officer comes to your house after your husband beats the s**t out of you and on the way he knocks over your mailbox and forces you to fill out a statement you don't want to fill out, you are STILL far better off than you were and you are thankful for it. Sure, you are out a mailbox and you had to fill out that dumbass report, but guess what - your ass isn't getting slapped around anymore because of it. The same goes for Iraq.