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No matter how you feel about globalization or free trade, something seems a bit off about importing people. Maybe it's the whole slavery thing or the West's history of colonization. Here are a few websites that might pique your interest, and in turn, rack your soul with guilt. #6.
KievConnections.com
These ladies from Kiev, Ukraine are seeking eligible bachelors for meaningful relationships (i.e. visa sponsorships). Like many international bride sites, Kiev Connections allows you to either make contact through a translated letter and/or by sending gifts, including flowers, chocolates and teddy bears. All of which will be burnt for heat during the winter.
Sample Profiles:
This is Natasha. She's an accountant, but likes to spend her spare time practicing the art of undoing her pants without breaking overly intense eye contact with you. Also, she has the head-to-body ratio of a bobble head doll.
Here is Tatyana posing next to the tree she hides behind during Cossack raids.
True Love Testimonial:
"I am the luckiest man in the world. I have a wife who unquestionabl[y] loves me. She is the most wonderful lady I have ever known and I am proud to call her my wife. We are also VERY much in love and every minute of every day is spent together." This comes from Brett, who also happens to be the proprietor of Kiev Connections. He's an American that had bad experiences with other mail-order bride sites before meeting his wife and getting his own pimp on. In other words, he's not just the president of the Former Soviet Harem Club for Men, he's also a client.
From the FAQ:
"Aren't there any decent men in Ukraine?" Of the many, many things that cause men of the Ukraine to drink--things like, say, their wife leaving them for a pock-marked IT guy from Kansas City--they go with "peer pressure." Apparently, this devastated nation is just a few Saved by the Bell-message-episodes away from getting back on the right track.
Chances of Finding Everlasting Love:
#5.
AsianBridesOnline.com
This introduction and tour service claims to represent over 20,000 beautiful women that have the potential to bear children who are good at math. It's boasted that members can meet between 500 to 2,000 of these ladies while on one of their tours, meaning there's a good chance your special someone has already been passed over by numerous other clients.
Sample Profiles:
Hailing from Shenzhen, China is Ximei. She can shot-put the hell out of pretty much any kind of fruit, if you're into that sort of thing.
True Love Testimonial:
"It was refreshing to meet women who are actually looking for real love, not just a penis with a wallet. And the best thing is they are much more beautiful and younger than the women I meet in America. I only wish I had discovered this 20 years ago." --Robert L 2006 Robert is pretty up front about who he is: an old man who uses Asia like it's MySpace. By saying he wished he discovered this 20 years ago, Robert really means he would've liked to erase two decades of unconvincing penis and wallet-touting pick-up lines.
From the FAQ:
"Do they use the metric system?" Matchmaking should be facilitated, but perhaps the site should examine whether those who ask this common inquiry should be allowed procreate or, at the very least, represent the United States overseas.
Chances of Finding Everlasting Love:
On the other hand, they do offer a fiancée visa tutorial if you want to take one home with you. And remember guys, the tutorial specifically recommends you refrain from using the term "concubine" when describing your situation to immigration officials. #4.
South of the Border Introductions (SOTB.com)
This site offers thousands of profiles of Latinas looking for long-term partners in the US, and does its best to remove any guilt by mentioning that many of the women are English-speaking professionals who already have visas. These corporate types often show up in profiles wearing bikinis and flaunting heaving tanned cleavage. Apparently, office dress codes are not nearly as stringent in Latin America.
Sample Profiles:
Here we have Vilma from Brazil. She is 5'2", Catholic and on loan from a Godard film.
True Love Testimonial:
"I will be leaving for Peru in May as a result of the Personal Ad you placed for me in South America. Thanks!!! This may be the one. What I would like to know is how do I get her to Texas?" D.B. - Texas This testimony was particularly attention-grabbing due to D.B.'s question. Hopefully, SOTB responded by telling him, "Invite her." Other options for getting Peruvian women to Texas, including "by coercion" or "by llama," seem troublesome and possibly illegal.
From the FAQ:
"Are these members looking to escape economic conditions in their country?" Gotcha. As long as it's not for financial reasons, it's all good that they're leaving their culture, businesses and family to go marry some random American that thought they looked hot in a two-piece.
Chances of Finding Everlasting Love:
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" She is 5'2", Catholic and on loan from a Godard film. " Oh, Cracked.com, your blend of highbrow antics and lowbrow suckerpunch comedy fulfills me in every way. Oh yeah, and check out www.zhongwenred.com ~ ladies love a man that speaks a second language! Unless it's Klingon.
Good Article! I'm still laughing at the old guy with the Russian lady!!! Oh to the spammer, If you're gonna be a jackass at least learn how to spell. I'm sure those "photoes" aren't that good anyway.
Girls are hot. I saw one of them have a profile on the celebrities dating site Wealthy Kiss.c o m last week. you know it is a online dating site where people are wealthy and they're looking for companionship romance or love.
I'll pay any ammount of money in the world if I could sleep with Elena. Any god derm ammount!
Syntania, your still bitter u know it. I guess your new "real man" can handle your "american attitude" since booze is prolific enough. You should be in the kitchen anyway y r u on the net?
I CAN SAY THIS IN 4 WORDS....IT'S ALL ABOUT the hottest photoes on TALLHUB~~com ~~ I CAN SAY THIS IN 4 WORDS....IT'S ALL ABOUT the hottest photoes on TALLHUB~~com ~~~ I CAN SAY THIS IN 4 WORDS....IT'S ALL ABOUT the hottest photoes on TALLHUB~~com ~~~
OMG people who use those sites are really really pathetic :/
i like eating turds.
Megritz wins for the creepiest marriage site! I thought it had to be a joke for sure. Men offering to buy girls (13-18) based on a one paragraph description... But it appears somewhat legit...
It's good to know there is always a plan B out there
Yeah, there probably isn't anything wrong with buying a wife.......if you're an impotent moron, or if you don't mind all of your friends laughing behind your back with their English speaking wife.
And by that, crazycatlady, are you trying to say that these women are fake or just 'pets'? I think you might be missing (read: perpetuating) what's wrong with the mail-order mindset to begin with.
I do get the niggling suspicion that these men are inept or too wussy for real women.
My ex-husband is such a pussy, he got himself a mail-order Russian bride because he's too much of a weenie to deal with an American woman's attitude! I laugh every time I think about it, because I got a real man now who's not afraid of real women.
http://www.marryourdaughter.com/
I am going to paste the "True Love Testimonial" part on the tall datig site ~~Tallkiss.com, there I am seeking true love with a tall man.
Because I can't help but be overly serious, I don't really see these sites as that terrible. Honestly, yeah, they women are likely aiming for a Visa (and then another type of Visa), with a fraction of a chance of actually meeting a special someone. But if you actually DO live in bum-fuck Egypt, you may as well go for it. And as soon as I can get a woman from one of these sites who isn't bright enough to catch on to me modifying the marriage contract to protect my assets, I'm gold!
Janis, it's your ideal that men are evil!? share it with the world! we havent heard that same shit a thousand times over! But hey, cut men some slack - we're the ones who invented that pocket rocket you keep stored in your pit of despair 24/7
Your member smells like poop... you're gross.
We built this world on penis insecurity.
Don't want your baby to grow up to be a porn girl? It's all about giving her the right name.
1970s broads versus the broads of today! Fight!
We probably would've been better off not knowing.
They probably won't get a movie any time soon.
Our monsters are kind of lame, comparatively.
Gamers are a vengeful god.
Cracked.com's Headitor, (that's "Head Editor" shortened to just one word, Sports Fans, and you're welcome), Jack O'Brien called all of the bloggers for a very important meeting. Even Cracked and W ...
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Misery1988
English IS my second language, now where the HELL did the mailorder bride go?