Crazy Eight: The Top Crazy Girlfriends in Movie History
Let's face it: Crazy girlfriends in the movies are cool, but add that sexual essence-that special thing the French call magnétisme animal-to them and you've got yourself one incredibly sexy, crazy chick. This rare breed of woman in the cinema is always ready and willing to have animal-style sex. They're wild about their recreational drugs and alcohol, they love the ladies and they have that thread of desperation that makes up the sexual fringe of their batshit-crazy tapestry. After days of heated roundtable discussions and lonely nights rewinding the nude scenes in our DVD library, here are CRACKED.com's top eight craziest (and sexiest) girlfriends in movie history.
#8.
Chloe Webb as Nancy Spungen in Sid & Nancy
In a Nutshell: Call her the Yoko Ono of the British punk scene if you'd like, but Chloe Webb's portrayal of Nancy Spungen, the longtime girlfriend of Sex Pistols' Sid Vicious, brought a sexy combination of nihilism and crazy-chick shenanigans to the forefront of movie history. Admittedly, she wasn't going to win any beauty contests. But up until that point, the closest movie character with halfway-decent looks and that classic "I-don't-give-a-shit" attitude was Pippi Longstocking. So, we're giving props where they're due.
Defining Crazy Moment: The scene where she's sitting in bed with Sid after a cozy little heroin fix, both not reacting as their room in the Chelsea Hotel goes up in flames.
Crazy Quote: "I fucking hate them! I fucking hate them! Ass! Ow! Fucking motherfuckers! They wouldn't send us any money! They said we'd spend it on druuuuugs!"—after getting off the phone with her parents. Sid nonchalantly responds with a sheepish, "We would."
Video Bonus: Sid and Nancy go up in smoke.
#7.
Glenn Close as Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction
In a Nutshell: While Dan Gallagher (Michael Douglas) would probably tell you that she wasn't technically his girlfriend, Close's character still slept with him more than once, and they went out on the minimum of two dates in a single week-sorry Dan, but that's a relationship as far as we're concerned. With that established, Alex Forrest is probably one of the craziest movie girlfriends of all time, and she could surely teach a few tricks to young Hollywood. But, crazy will only get you so far on this list. Unfortunately, Close looks like a cross between George Washington and Barbara Bush-by default, that combo tops you out at No. 7.
But, she's obviously a pleaser and that counts for something. Who can forget the blowjob in the freight elevator? The sex on the sink while she breaks all those dishes? Couple that with acid on the Volvo, unknowingly/knowingly slicing herself with a butcher knife and her penchant for kidnapping-congratulations Mr. Gallagher, you've got yourself one crazy, sexy girlfriend.
Defining Crazy Moment: Glenn Close cooks up some rabbit stew using the only hare close to hand: an adorable pet bunny.
Crazy Quote: "Why? Because I won't allow you treat me like some slut you can just bang a couple of times and throw in the garbage?"â€"after Douglas' character tells her that he's over her.
Video Bonus: Crazy girlfriends make the best cooks.
This is my first negative comment about a cracked article itself...I didn't much care for this one. I dunno if the author was trying to take the male chauvinistic point of view or what, but it wasn't really that funny to me, I thought that it was supposed to be about Crazy Girlfriends, not crazy AND sexy, to me the sexy part was unessasary. And the craziness felt like it was put on a back burner to the sexy part which was annoying, and the craziness what unclear, the only one who seemed like they really needed to be on this list was Glenn Close (who was kinda a given) and and Julliet Lewis. Also the ass to ass scene in Requiem didn't really seem crazy in the classic since of cooking a pet bunny crazy it seemed more desperate and strung out, and that's not crazy, that's just sad. Of course that's just my opinion I could be wrong.
ReplyExcept Brandon was a transman.
ReplyI love Mickey and Mallory.
ReplyAdditional information for those curious: The word Julianna is telling him not to say is "mairrage."
ReplyJuliette Lewis was crazy in Kalifornia too. But more in a Stockholm syndrome sort of way.
ReplyWhere in the hell is Sharon Stone playing Ginger Rothstein in Casino? She won a Golden Globe for best actress, and an Academy Award nomination for her betrayal of bat-shit crazy. She had everything to make the list. She had the sexy, she had the crazy, and she had the skill to make you believe it. Shame that she's not on this list! SHAME!!!!!!
ReplyI'm curious as to how one betrays bat-shit crazy.
Think I'll paste my reply up here so people don't miss it.
Reply@pretty-much-everyone-who's-a-fucking-moron:
Girl parts make a girl. Boy parts make a boy. Clear-cut. Those parts can be changed but until they do the gender classification doesn't. Doesn't matter what she called herself.
Also, I'm laughing at how the "free to be what you want" people are getting pissed off because other people aren't doing what they are telling them to do.
The simple facts are: 1. Brandon Teena was born as a girl, parts and all, with no gender ambiguity at all.
2. Wether or not he intended to undergo HRT or surgery to become anatomically male, he (obviously) never got it done.
3. By reason of point 1 & 2, Brandon Teena was, biologically speaking, a homosexual female (or lesbian, if you prefer). There's no debate, doubt or slight wiggle room there.
From a psychological point, on the other hand, he was most likely a trans man (either a transgender or transsexual). So wether you call him he or she is just a matter of which classification you subscribe to.
I would say something about people taking s**t way too seriously, but this is the internet after all, so it can't be helped.
There's a difference between gender and sex. Sex is biology; gender is how you identify yourself. Girl parts can only make you sexually female, they can't make you identify yourself as a woman. Same with boy parts.
At the same time, someone identifying themselves as a man does not mean everyone else will-but then, that happens regardless of what parts you have too, since in a lot of circles being gay makes you "less of a man" and not having big boobs makes you "less of a woman."
So I will have to politely disagree with you when you say that this is a clear-cut issue.
I think that people missed the point that this is a comedy website.
ReplySeems like several idiots completely missed the point of Boys Don't Cry.
ReplyThis may be a comedy website, but Brandon Teena DIED because the attitude that the author of this article adopted. I am all for comedy, but this was out of line. People are still dying because bigots think like this. Brandon Teena was, and will always be, a man, and at least in death he should get a little respect.
And, yeah, he was real.
As a transgendered man, I have to add my voice to those who've already pointed out how offensive and transphobic the article about Boys Don't Cry is. It's not an issue of political correctness, but by insisting he was a lesbian, calling him a woman, and calling Lana crazy for supporting him? Come on. This is a joke website, but hugely popular, and can really have an influence on people's opinions. I'm really disappointed.
ReplyWow people are way overreacting to the "Boys Don't Cry" entry. Stop being so hypersensitive. Cracked is a joke site.
ReplyJoke site or not, that attitude is damaging and people die for it regularly. Seeing Brandon here for me was like finding an entire entry about rape in an article about the food industry. Unnecessary, offensive, disturbing, and worst of all, not funny at all.
You really need to remove #6 from your list. It's insulting to imply that Brandon Teena was crazy because he was transgendered. Brandon Teena was a transgendered man not a lesbian. He was murdered because he was a transgendered man. I find your site funny at times but that whole entry is disgusting and needs to be removed. It makes you all look like dudebro bigots.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThis so much.
I definitely agree. Normally I don't like the idea, but this article should be amended.
omg...dudebro bigot...I love it! Also, the writer of this article? Just remember it's easy to make a joke about something that doesn't affect you in the slightest, but stuff like rape, transgender issues, etc, is bound to upset some who ARE affected by it...An apology goes a long way to proving you truly were joking and meant no offense, that's all I'm saying.
I like how being a heroin addict makes a girl "crazier" than being violent, murderous and/or insane.
ReplyTry Courtney Love as Courtney Love in "Real Life"
ReplyI think Martha off of The Lonely Heart Killers shoulda been on here :P
ReplyCrazy Quote:"Who do you belong to?" -While she is pointing a gun at Jared Letos dick
How do you pronounce "â€"?
ReplyI think Boys Don't Cry was a bad choice, it is a true story and she/he was murdered. I'm not offended just disappointed,
ReplyI'm offended. Pretty much broke my heart to read. It's low to carelessly attack the guy in a verbal reflection of the exact way his murderers viewed him. Not that anyone cares, I'm just sayin'.
there was speculation when requiem came out that jennifer connelly really did the ass to ass scene, and it wasn't a body double or clever editing.
ReplyBrandon Teena was a natural BORN WOMAN. So they are calling her that. And maybe the writer made a MISTAKE or was making a joke? I mean if you want peace and stuff stop persecuting someone for accidentally saying the wrong thing. Calm down.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThat was clearly not an accident. The entire purpose of discussing Brandon in the article was to immaculate him. RE: Above - He was raped and beaten and then 3 people were shot to death in front of a baby by a guy who needed to validate his own "manhood". He chose to stretch his point of "Brandon being a natural born woman" to violent extremes, but the ideology you hold is no less harmful in the long run. It just placates people who think somehow "transpanic" is valid.
the author repeatedly asserts that Brandon was a girl, a lesbian, had girl parts, etc. that's not an accident so just shut your bigoted mouth.
@pretty-much-everyone-who's-a-fucking-moron:
Girl parts make a girl. Boy parts make a boy. Clear-cut. Those parts can be changed but until they do the gender classification doesn't.
Also, I'm laughing at how the "free to be what you want" people are getting pissed off because other people aren't doing what they are telling them to do.
Defining crazy moment for Isla Fisher's character should be "rape". Sure, they got together afterwards, but when it happened Vaughn's character was not consenting and was distressed by it, as evident when he talks to Owen the following day.
ReplyYeah, and the quote should have been "You'd never leave me, would you? 'Cause I'd fiiiind you."
All I'm gonna say about that is, replace Isla Fischer with a gross, ugly chick and baby you got yourself a rape!