Like athletes, comedians and dungeon-porn actors, time takes its toll on badass musicians. And inevitably, you'll catch your favorite crew of leather-clad/whiskey-swilling/vagina-liking sons of bitches cranking out a song that' suitable for the closing montage of a Grey' Anatomy episode. Here are the 10 most disappointing examples of badass bands playing nice-and subsequently looking like douchebags.
10"Until It Sleeps" - Metallica
Prior Interests: Riding the lightning, killing 'em all, not being treaded on
By the time the kings of metal reached critical mass in the years following 1991' The Black Album, they were old enough to be their fans' dads, and had developed more pressing interests, presumably involving minivans and youth soccer games. The first "hit" of their vag-tastic 1996 album, Load, sounds more like a bad Soundgarden impression than the satanic, alcoholic thrashing that America had come to know and love. Worst of all, newly short-haired lead singer James Hetfield pleads, "hold me," in the song' lyrics, ensuring that if the crowd that wore that "Metal Up Your Ass" T-shirt back in high school ran across the eye-liner-wearing stooges in the "Until It Sleeps" video, a Master of Puppets-style bloodbath would ensue.
9"Christmas in Hollis" - Run-D.M.C.
Prior Interests: Rocking rhymes, walking that way, discarding shoelaces
When Run-D.M.C. released the 1983 album Raising Hell, they established themselves as groundbreaking musical artists, and also as three young men you might think twice about fucking with. Songs like "Proud to Be Black" and "Walk This Way" solidified their reputation and paved the way for rap artists from Tupac to the Chicago Bears. And then they went and pissed their street cred away with a song about how they saw Santa Claus one night. If that isn't enough to convince you of the song' lameness, try this: D.M.C. rhymes "yule log" with "egg nog." (Apologies for the baby in the video, but the fact that a baby fits nicely into it pretty much confirms that "Christmas in Hollis" blows.)