A good rap name is like good rap: it sounds effortless without coming off sloppy, and it never tries too hard. Whether its vibe is biblical (Hova), comic book villain (Biggie Smalls) or comic book hero (Method Man); whether the name is self-imposed (Big Baby Jesus) or God-given (Kanye West and Tupac Shakur didn't really have a choice, now did they?) you know when you've heard a good rap name. And just as certainly, you know when you've heard a bad one. We count down the 25 worst.
25
Lil' Scrappy
Unless you're a puppy who can somehow rap, this name does not work. Even if you're literally both little and scrappy, there are better ways to express it. Lil' Scrappy is really just a step away from Mr. Woofles.
24
69 Boyz
The geniuses behind the song "Tootsee Roll" supposedly named themselves after the fact that they were all born in 1969, but the sexual connotations aren't lost on anyone. Now, it's strange enough for a group of guys to define themselves by their mutual love of the 69 position. But throw in the hilarious possibility of a concert opening with the boast, "Yo, we 69 Boys, ya'll," and you've got yourself a pretty questionable name. (Also, if you have the time and the stomach for a trip down memory lane, check out the above video, in which the already questionably named 69 Boyz perform stripper dance moves on a stage full of men in matching outfits. It's fantastic.)
23
Chamillionaire
Is he a millionaire who blends in with the rest of us? Or is he a millionaire that blends in with other millionaires because being rich is just so natural to him? Or perhaps he has a million chameleons? Or maybe he is a million chameleons who have joined together, combining their camouflage skills to appear as a rapper in order to take advantage of today's enormous market for bad hip-hop. Or perhaps he's only a tea millionaire with an enormous collection of fragrant, healing Chamomile teas. Either way, he's an idiot.
22
Bubba Sparxxx
First, he named himself after what we can only assume was his frat nickname at whatever Southern junior college he attended. Then, he threw in the triple X to give it just the right porn-site-where-you-can-go-to-watch-fat-people-have-sex vibe.
21
Birdman
The above image of the badass cartoon character he named himself after really says it all.
Del's handle is 100% 90s, which is something I don't really see a problem with, I don't think it's Top 25 worthy either. Busdriver's not a horrible name either.
Guys, their names are what is being made fun of. Not their skills. Yes, some of their skills had a few remarks about them, but in all fairness, they are not that good. Not awful, just not that great.
Fat Bastard, Tum Tum, Kingpin Skinny Pimp, Glasses Malone, Yukmouth, Silkk the Shocker, Layzie Bone, Big Tigga, Chingy, Nelly, just off the top of my head. Oh yeah, and before I forget, LIL KEKE. Just awful, awful... And yes, this is a guy.
Pertaining to this list:
16. *chuckles* Clever. Not a good RAP handle, but clever
15. Jeff Bridges is the only man who can use that handle
13. ...And judging by that photo, Malcolm McDowell is the only person allowed to use that handle
4. I don't know why, but
(sorry, my computer has been randomly clicking things; in this case, the submit button) for some reason, I hear that handle and think of explosive diarrhea.
1. Which was apparently the idea behind THAT handle.
God there are so many terrible rapper names.
Among those that were not listed: lil wayne, BG, 50 cent, J-Kwon, Young Joc, Young Jeezy, Skrilla, soulja boy, snoop dogg, god..they're just..holy s**t bad. Creativity is something that's supposed to be understood..by more than one f*****g person. And...just f**k it.
Forgot to add in the ENTIRE list of the 'Lil' rappers starting with Lil' Wayne. He should be #1 because 'Wheezy's' music SUCKS, he isn't a REAL rapper, his name is straight up retarded, he couldn't freestyle if a ''Chopper" was pressed to his forehead and had to to save his life, and his "Writers" could perform his music better than he does. He's the worst rapper ever that actually sells and his name and tatoos are fail enough to mention in the top 3 every time a 'worst ever something rapper' list was ever compiled. Lol
Starvin Marvin is actually a pretty decent rapper name.
ReplyI thought Snow was a reggae artist and not a rapper.
ReplyGnarls Barkley isn't a rap group.........
ReplyDel's handle is 100% 90s, which is something I don't really see a problem with, I don't think it's Top 25 worthy either. Busdriver's not a horrible name either.
Replyi bet cracked would love a rapper called cthulu
Replyim sure if this list was published more recently, Gucci Mane would now top the list
Replythere is a band named Morningwood though... if you ever wanna do one of these for band names.
ReplyThey already did!
I hate rap names. It's like a contest to see who can be the most original without actually being funny, clever or spelling anything correctly.
ReplyI'm waiting for someone to name themselves "Weez Ignant".
Thanks for not using th n-word in your comment.
Thanks for not using th n-word in your comment.
There's a Norwegian group called Paperboys, they rap in English. They're not that bad, honestly.
ReplyOf course, this list wasn't about the skill of the performers, but the ill-suitedness of the name. And I suppose as names go, it's not that amazing.
This was good, but the format just... I mean, really? Five clicks? That's a lot of work for this.
ReplyI think it's worth it.
Australian hip hop has some good ones. MCs Pressure and Suffa from the Hilltop Hoods, Bliss n Eso with their DJ Ism. M Phazes. Pez.
Reply"If a Precious Moments figurine could rap, this would be its name."
ReplyThat killed me. I love Cracked so much. XD
Fuckin' Rizzle Kicks, or even 'The Throne'. I mean, it means toilet.
ReplyGuys, their names are what is being made fun of. Not their skills. Yes, some of their skills had a few remarks about them, but in all fairness, they are not that good. Not awful, just not that great.
ReplyFat Bastard, Tum Tum, Kingpin Skinny Pimp, Glasses Malone, Yukmouth, Silkk the Shocker, Layzie Bone, Big Tigga, Chingy, Nelly, just off the top of my head. Oh yeah, and before I forget, LIL KEKE. Just awful, awful... And yes, this is a guy.
ReplyI saw a guy called Kosha Dillz open for Talib Kweli a few years back. That one stuck with me.
ReplyChamillionaire is so ugly I think I'm off sex for a week having seen that picture.
ReplyI'd say he's the most tender lover I've ever had.
Pertaining to this list:
Reply16. *chuckles* Clever. Not a good RAP handle, but clever
15. Jeff Bridges is the only man who can use that handle
13. ...And judging by that photo, Malcolm McDowell is the only person allowed to use that handle
4. I don't know why, but
(sorry, my computer has been randomly clicking things; in this case, the submit button) for some reason, I hear that handle and think of explosive diarrhea.
1. Which was apparently the idea behind THAT handle.
God there are so many terrible rapper names.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesAmong those that were not listed: lil wayne, BG, 50 cent, J-Kwon, Young Joc, Young Jeezy, Skrilla, soulja boy, snoop dogg, god..they're just..holy s**t bad. Creativity is something that's supposed to be understood..by more than one f*****g person. And...just f**k it.
Or G-Unit.
The Jacka. What the f**k is a "jacka?"
gotta disagree on snoop dogg though. i think that's a great rap name!
Actually, when you think about it, both 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg (or however many Gs he's got these days) are fairly terrible names, aren't they?
Forgot to add in the ENTIRE list of the 'Lil' rappers starting with Lil' Wayne. He should be #1 because 'Wheezy's' music SUCKS, he isn't a REAL rapper, his name is straight up retarded, he couldn't freestyle if a ''Chopper" was pressed to his forehead and had to to save his life, and his "Writers" could perform his music better than he does. He's the worst rapper ever that actually sells and his name and tatoos are fail enough to mention in the top 3 every time a 'worst ever something rapper' list was ever compiled. Lol
Reply