The 10 Least Romantic Love Song Lyrics

Since before Shakespeare asked if he should "compare thee to a summers day," songsmiths have endeavored to paint that perfect picture of their lovers, to capture the joys and agonies of courtship, all with the ultimate goal of convincing women to do acrobatic things to their nether regions.

But with the advent of the modern day rock groupie, whose job description it is to do acrobatic things to the nether regions of anyone capable of growing their hair to shoulder-length, it's apparently become too damn easy for musicians to get laid. Just look at the following list of ten love song lyrics that are sure to get you slapped this Valentine's Day.

The Faces. "Stay With Me"

"Won't need too much pursuadin',
I don't mean to sound degradin',
But with a face like that you got nothin' to laugh about."

Rod Stewart making comments on someone else's looks? That's pretty rich, Roderick.
It's a good rule of thumb that anything you could possibly say to a women following the phrase, "I don't mean to sound degradin', but..." is good for a trip directly to dry-penis-ville.

Snoop Dogg. "I Wanna F*** You"

"Grab you by your coat tail take you to the motel, hoe sale,
don't tell, won't tell...
if you pick me then ima pick on you,
d-o-double g and I'm here to put this dick on you."

Snoop sure knows how to make a lady feel special. He starts off by describing how he's going to kidnap his love interest and take her to a ho sale, which sounds more like some sort of forced slave auction than anything very romantic. From there he immediately tells the girl not to tell on him, which has an incredibly creepy, Kevin Bacon in Sleepers vibe to it. Just an all around poor performance from one of hip-hop's favorite misogynists. And also, Snoop, we're pretty sure it's "in" and not "on," unless we've been doing things wrong all these years.

Emerson Lake and Palmer. "Still... You Turn Me On"

"When you're buried in disguise
By the dark glass on your eyes
Though your flesh has crystallized;
Still...you turn me on.
Every day a little sadder,
A little madder,
Someone get me a ladder."

Wow this is creepy. Is the ladder for the girl you keep in the hole in your basement?

Jimmy Webb. "MacArthur Park"

"As we followed in the dance,
Between the parted pages and were pressed,
In love's hot, fevered iron,
Like a striped pair of pants."

There's not much we can say here. Just read it over a couple of times. Yes, this song is the ACME of bad lyrics, but this particular passage is breathtaking. 'Yes babe, you remind me of my wrinkly pants.'

15 Comments

sallyloves

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Posted on 6/14/2008 12:46:13 AM

HALLA

ok and then theres instant pleasure by rufus wainright "i don't want somebody to love me just give me sex whenever i want it all i ask for is instant pleasure", like come on how romantic is that you're not allowed to love me just fuck me baby.

Posted on 2/10/2008 3:06:11 PM

Corpse

what about Cannibal Corpse fucked with a knife i mean the title in it's self says it all or for that fact i cum blood i mean come on man"The smell was unbearable
As I unburied her
I cum blood from my erection
I feel it run
down her throat, swallow
Eyes glassy and vacant
body dug up to play with
Skin greasy and naked
tounguing her rotted anus"thats pretty messed up that is i cum blood for those who don't listen to Cannibal Corpse

Posted on 1/25/2008 1:26:53 PM

Millie/Billie

Wow, sad times guys. Did you not research well enough on this one?

Try Michael Bolton's "I Said I Loved You, But I Lied" - in which he spends the entire rest of the song trying to fix what he screwed up with the girl in the title - "No, baby, wait! I meant, this is MORE than love! Sweetie??"

Or Benny Mardonis "Into the Night", about kidnapping a 16 year old girl and taking her where nobody can find her...

Or Clay Aiken's "Invisible" - "If I was invisible, I would just watch you in your room...." Creepy!

Alice Cooper's "Millie and Billie" is just about the best intentionally creepy love song duet ever as well....

Posted on 1/17/2008 2:53:28 AM

kareena

none of these songs is romantic
all westlife songs are more romantic that all these 10 songs

Posted on 1/11/2008 3:11:26 AM

common sense

broken wings is a great song, off of a great album.

Posted on 1/9/2008 9:37:56 AM

abra

if you have to include rap in here you can't look past dre's "I got this bad bitch layin next to me
No doubt, sit back on the couch
Pants down, rubber on, set to turn that ass out
Laid the bitch out, then I put it in her mouth
Pulled out, nutted on a towel and passed out "

Posted on 1/2/2008 2:34:47 PM

antispamdinista

That song about "makin' love in my Chevy Van" reeks. Not only that, but "Chevy Van" really puts me out of the mood in no time flat.

Posted on 12/16/2007 8:30:51 PM

careful.claire

How did you miss Afternoon Delight?

"You got some bait awaitin' and I think I might ....
Might have a little nibble
Afternoon Delight"

Cause chicks LOVE fish metaphors.

Posted on 12/15/2007 9:01:59 PM

Little pig

I love romantic songs. I think it can express people's ideas. The thing I most enjoy is to talk forums about romantic songs at pubspa.com with my friends. Maybe you think I am crazy. I don't care

Posted on 12/11/2007 10:05:08 PM

irrelevent

Having a list of the 10 least romantic love song lyrics without the unforgettable line from ZZ Top's Tube Snake Boogie, "I've got a gal she lives on the hill, she won't do it but her sister will..." is like having a steak made out of turkey.

Posted on 12/7/2007 3:13:57 PM

061

What about Money Maker by Ludacris?
"Let me give you some swimming lessons on the penis
Back-stroke, breast-stroke
Stroke of a GENIUS!"

Posted on 11/27/2007 2:30:32 PM

theskull42

So, basically, you missed the entire point of "Elenore", which was an angry, sarcastic, satirical criticism of lame, generic love songs that they wrote when asked by their recond company to "make something like "Happy Together"". They hated making it, and they hated playing it, and yet...it still became a hit, because it's fucking awesome.

Posted on 11/4/2007 2:56:30 AM

GuesssWho

How about Title of the Song?
'Title of the song
Naive expression of love . . .'

Posted on 11/3/2007 12:30:58 AM

unknown

"Bitch I'm knockin' at your do', let me get some neddin' hoe, bitch you're ugly, that's okay, I'm fiddin ' to hit it anyway"-ICP

'Nuff said.

Posted on 10/28/2007 9:19:09 PM

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The 10 Least Romantic Love Song Lyrics

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