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Home > Movies & TV > Cracked's Oscar Rundown (Part Two)

Cracked's Oscar Rundown (Part Two)

By Jay Pinkerton, Karla Pacheco March 1, 2006 4,865 views
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Miss Part One? Click Here to Read It

Yesterday, Karla and I looked at the Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor and Best Actress categories. Today, we'll be analyzing Best Director, Best Supporting Actress, and the coveted Best Picture category. But first: our handy CRACKED Pronounciation Chart:


Jay: If you're unlucky, you might have a friend who thinks it's a great idea to throw an Oscar party every year, and nobody's told them yet that's somewhere between scrapbooking and TiVoing The O.C. on the Fruit-Meter.

Karla: If you do get roped into this, there's nothing more embarrassing than fumbling around in front of everyone, trying to talk about an actor whose parents decided to give him a name composed entirely of consonants. Below, we've listed some of the more indecipherable monikers on the nominee list this year, and the proper way to pronounce them in your damning armchair criticisms.

Indecipherable Name: Joaquin Phoenix
Pronounced: WAH-keen FEE-nicks
Common Mistakes: Joe-Quinn; Joe-a-Queen; How-ah-Kin
Example: "Man, that WAH-keen FEE-nicks's parents sure were granola-eating hippy idiots, weren't they?"

Indecipherable Name: Jake Gyllenhaal
Pronounced: JAKE JILL-in-hall
Common Mistakes: Gill-in-Hall; Jell-in-Hill; Joopy-Poopa-Doop
Example: "If your hand keeps disappearing down your pants every time Jake Jill-en-hall's on-screen, I'm removing your popcorn priveleges, CRACKED editor Justin Droms."

Indecipherable Name: Keira Knightley
Pronounced: KEE-ra NITE-lee
Common Mistakes: Ki-ra; Keh-eer-a; She-ra, Princess of Power
Example: "This Oscar show is boring. Let's watch She-ra, Princess of Power. "

Next: Best Director

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