| Featured |
Monkeys Vs. Toddlers: Who Can Kick Whose Ass?
|
Though monkeys and toddlers usually fetch similar prices on the black market, American consumers seem split over which make better household companions. CRACKED decided to let the scientific method settle this age-old debate once and for all.  |
7 Comments
unknown
I think the monkey won outright. You gave the toddler a point by setting the monkey alight. Why not do it to both?
Benito
@Gorgonzola. Yup, thats true. But still. I would save a cute kiddie over a smelly monkey anyday.
unknown
I LOVE monkeys, they're delicious!
This is likely the greatest thing I have ever bore witness to. I no longer feel the need to inhabit this universe. Farewell.
Gorgonzola
The sad part is that from Nature's point of view, 1 monkey is more valuable that 1 infant. With the state of the world today, do we really need another spoiled, overweight (i.e. American) brat? I'll take the monkey.
At least the monkey tried to fix the already lost cause.
More Funny Stuff
-
7 People From Around the World With Real Mutant Superpowers
The X-Men without the shitty one liners.
-
13 Last Requests That Prove It's OK to Laugh at Dead People
Come on, some were trying to be funny!
-
25 Historical Events (As Depicted by 5 Year Olds)
Children are stupid. Let's laugh at them.
-
11 Celebrity-Inspired Fads We'd Like to Forget
Thanks for the grills, Flavor Flav!
Popular stuff
-
5 Terrible Life Lessons Hollywood Loves to Teach You
Not quite as useful as "look both ways."
-
The 5 Most Baffling Explosions in Movie History
First rule of Hollywood: Everything explodes.
-
If Your Last Girlfriend Had an IMDb Page
You might have caught on a bit quicker.
-
6 Famous Songs That Don't Mean What You Think
Musicians are even dumber than you thought.
The 4th of July. "Independence Day." "The Big Easy." The day the entire planet gets together to put aside our differences and bond over our common love of fireworks and professional baseball. It's ...
Los Angeles: Home To Movie Stars, The Wayans Brothers, And MeIf you've been wondering why some posts on this blog have seemed thin and phoned in lately, I've got ...
Wall-E: The Touching Tale Of An Aging Gay RobotLike many of you, I took a break from the lavish penthouse parties that are my workaday routine to ...
- Home
- Submissions
- Contact Us
- Newsletter
- Cracked Store
- Advertise
- Terms & Conditions
- Link to Cracked
- Privacy Policy
- Site Map
Copyright © 2005 - 2007 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
DISCLAIMER: All characters, names and places used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comment, criticism, parody, pointing out political and/or social injustice or any other purpose through which humanity is held up to the ridicule it frequently deserves. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied.
![](”http://vs.dmtracker.com/images/zig.gif?Log=1")
NIGHTMARE
HEY LOOK IT BUSH