We have the Potato Famine and Great Depression to thank for Halloween, so…shoutout to historical tragedies? Look, we're so excited about Halloween we've already queued up some underrated horror movies. We're in a place of excitement right now, not depressing potatoes. Just look at these DIY Halloween costumes! Are you anything but jacked for spooky season right now? 

We'd be remiss to leave you without a few safety reminders: no one is giving your kids edibles. Legal weed for children in this economy? Come on. No poison candy either! That's for Christmas. And finally, please remember these creepy ‘facts’ are falsehoods. OK, there's more below, but that's all we have time for now. Have fun on Halloween! Hail Satan!

Tricks for Celebrating Halloween at Every Stage of Life

Looking at Halloween across the span of our lifetimes, we see an oscillating parabola of hedonism: Babies, being stupid, don't understand the day and find it worrying, kids get their first taste of true euphoric excess, teenagers think they're too cool for it, young adults use it like a nation-wide masked orgy, and adults are just inconvenienced.

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