The explosive trailers and teasers for the upcoming American Godzilla redo are out! And while they do look impressive, anyone old enough to remember the gee-whiz preview for 1998's Godzilla knows that sometimes Hollywood cruelly and arbitrarily disguises crotch-punches as feature films. So that's why we're devoting the next 700 words to one question: WILL IT BE TERRIBLE?
4 The Script = A Game of Hot Potato
Whereas the 1954 Godzilla had a simple formula (nuclear bomb + giant prehistoric reptile whose entire existence flies in the face of the fossil record, physics), the 2014 Godzilla was birthed through a series of puffs and passes from one screenwriter to the next.
It all started with Dave Callaham, whose claims to fame are The Expendables and that godawful Doom adaptation. After Callaham was bunted off, Man of Steel director David Goyer was brought on for a rewrite that we assume involved a gritty dissection of Godzilla's shitty childhood. After that they gave it to some dude named Max Borenstein, then Iron Man 3 writer Drew Pearce, and finally Shawshank Redemption director Frank Darabont for a spit shine.
No word on whether Darabont kept the climatic third-act one-on-one game against Sir Charles.