Chicken McNuggets are terrifying. Even if you don't know that for sure, you probably sense it whenever you watch a Chicken McNugget commercial or just have any dealings with Chicken McNuggets in general. You don't know what the problem is, you just know that something isn't right.
To understand why you're so troubled by nugget-shaped chicken, and for the sake of this premise you absolutely are, let's first visit something that most of us are likely familiar with ... how a chicken nugget is made.
Video of this frightening process has made the rounds all over the Internet. If you haven't seen it, we've provided screenshots below, thus making it harder for you to hide.
First, the choicest chickens are ripped apart into component meat and ground into a delicious putty-like substance ...
Next, that substance is formed into the shape of a nugget, otherwise the name would just be stupid ...
After that, they're covered in batter and flash frozen, which we sincerely hope is what's being depicted here ...
And here ...
You can see all of this transpire by watching this video, but you probably don't want to, because gross.
But this kind of unfortunate footage is standard with almost any meat-based product. Hardly a single steak makes its way to your plate without a cow first being shot in the head by the guy from No Country for Old Men (or something along those lines), so what is it about the Chicken McNugget that makes it stand out so much from its competition in the battle for fast food gross-out supremacy? We blame the commercials.
Think about all of the famous McDonald's mascots over the years. Each shitty food item has its own, for the most part.
But there's a difference with McNuggets. With the other mascots, Grimace for example, they might represent a particular food item, but it's not like they are that food item. Birdie might turn into a chicken sandwich someday, but at least she gets to do some anthropomorphic chicken stuff in her life before that day comes. No such luck with McNuggets, though. There's nothing for them to turn into. They've already been Frankensteined beyond all recognition from their original form and now life is just one long reminder of the inevitable fate that awaits them, which is, of course, being eaten alive.
At night, they dream only of death.
Even more depressing is the fact that they're apparently programmed to not only accept this tragic outcome, but actually look forward to it. You can see it happening in this secretly depressing McNugget commercial from back in the day. While Ronald McDonald acts as a distraction by frolicking around on a basketball court, the McNugget crowd is wholly unaware that one of their own is about to sell them out.
That's a fellow Chicken McNugget delivering tubs of barbecue dipping sauce to his nuggets-in-arms watching the game. Of course, seeing as how any semblance of a brain would have been ground up in the initial stages of their conception, these dipshit McNuggets don't know any better than to dive on in.
And what then? It's not like they have arms with which to clean off all of that delicious barbecue sauce, even if the cut of those vests suggests that they should. Do they go through the rest of their McNugget lives moving just a few steps slower because their bottom halves are now slathered in sauce? Of course not. Everybody knows that the moment nugget meets sauce, it's time to eat. Those McNuggets are about to be devoured, and they're goddamn smiling about it.
We as a people are not terrified of the Chicken McNugget because of its mysterious composition. We are terrified of the Chicken McNugget because, unlike us humans, it has absolutely no fear of death. The Chicken McNugget is born to die, and it will take your arteries with it to the grave if you dare stand in its way.
And that's why Chicken McNuggets scare the shit out of us.