We Americans love to talk about our wars. We love learning about them, we love making movies about them and we really, really love pretending to punch Hitler in the face. It's why we spend half our time claiming that our political opponents are Nazis; our generation missed out on the chance to go after the real thing.
Unfortunately, war is an incredibly complex, ever-changing topic, and understanding military history is both time-consuming and very, very hard work. So we're going to explain it in terms most anyone can understand: ex-girlfriends.
7The American Revolution
The First One. It wasn't that great, you had no idea what you were doing and the sex was clumsy and awkward, but in your mind it will live on in legend. But you're ready for the next one. You need the next one. In fact, you're so desperate for another chance to touch real, actual boobs that you wind up with ...