Cook Your Home-Cooked Meal
Cooking for people is awful, whether you're good at it or not. So what do you do when you have company coming over but no desire to entertain or feed them in any way? Easy -- for the entertainment, strippers. For the food, you order from Housebites. At first it seems like a regular delivery service, until you read their special offer: For a small fee, they'll give you the dirty pots and pans with the meal.
So for those of you too ashamed to admit that you can't cook, you can order their food and dishes before your guests arrive, sprinkle some cooking oil on the kitchen floor and maybe break a few eggs on the counter, just for authenticity. Just like that, people think you have some value to the world. What a bunch of suckers!
Send Your Stuffed Toy on Vacation
We'd all love to travel, but seeing the world is expensive as shit. Which is why there's a service for the next best thing: Have your stuffed toys do the traveling for you. For packages as low as ÃÆÃ¯Â¿Â½ÃâÃÂ£60, you can send your toys to a company called Barcelona Toy Travel, who will create a Facebook page for your toy and upload pics of it going around to famous locations. It's something you could accomplish just as easily with Photoshop, but who can afford that shit?
They offer more expensive packages, too, which include tasting local dishes, going to amusement parks or having a picnic on the beach.
Unsurprisingly, the bulk of their clientele hail from Japan and China.
You can find XJ twittering twits on his Twitter, and read his writing blog here.