Yeah, that hypothetical situation sure sucks for him. Unlike this real situation, which sucks for everyone who isn't him.
Taking Credit for the Storm
According to the News Network of the Syrian Armed Forces, a pro-government group from Syria, Hurricane Sandy was caused by a new secret weapon from Iran. Or if you'd like that information served with a steaming side of crazy, here's the official word from their Facebook page:
"Sources confirmed to us that Hurricane Sandy that is slamming the U.S. was set off by highly advanced technologies developed by the heroic Iranian regime that supports the resistance, with coordination of our resistive Syrian regime."
But the religious lunatic fringe has no such delusions as to the real cause of Hurricane Sandy. They're blaming the same bogeyman they always do ...
Blaming the Hurricane on Homosexuals
Isn't it amazing how the "homosexual agenda" seems to consist entirely of controlling the weather? Anyway, if you're going to make fun of reactionary hate-mongering shitheads (like we are right now), their lack of originality is a great talking point to start with. They're blaming Sandy on the gays this time around, but when Katrina was beating the shit out of New Orleans, gay people got the blame for that, too.
Call us crazy, but maybe forcing people to huddle together to stave off hypothermia from freezing cold flood waters isn't the best idea to break up a union.
J.F. Sargent is a Workshop Moderator for Cracked and has an awesome Twitter and a kinda mediocre blog, if we're being totally honest.