XJ Selman
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As we're not afraid to point out, respected news sources make mistakes all the time, but some of them actually have the dignity to point out and correct their own errors.
Well, perhaps "dignity" isn't the right word here, considering that some recent corrections published by newspapers have ended up sounding even more ridiculous than the original slip-ups. For example ...
Back in 1988, the New York Times wrote an article about some Japanese company called "Nintendo" or something. The article mentioned Nintendo's iconic leading characters, Mario and Luigi, who are incorrectly described as janitors instead of plumbers -- but who cares what two clusters of pixels on a screen do for a living? People living in 2013. That's who.
nytimes.com
Feel free to debate how Super Mario Sunshine affects this in the comment section.
Yes, 25 years after the article was printed, a quotation in the obituary of Nintendo's former president prompted the Times to issue a correction about this grievous error. After all, we don't want kids to get the impression that janitors travel to other galaxies and play board games with giant dragons. Nope, that's all plumbers, apparently.
Last month, the Washington Post was forced to issue a correction regarding a recent article about Guantanamo Bay. Did they misstate the number of people tortured there or something? Did they accidentally reveal some strategic information that could endanger American lives? Nope, but it was still something of utmost importance: They described Navy Captain Robert Durand as "thickset," when in fact he is "muscular." Presumably the correction was requested by one bobd_vandamme4ever@usa.gov.
Washington Post via Dan Kois/Slate
But it was too late; the Cubans were emboldened by this revelation and invaded the base.
Then again, Durand is the guy in charge of Guantanamo's PR, so he has an excuse for being so image-conscious. Here's a picture of him, by the way -- we'll let you decide which word was more appropriate.
Ben Fox/AP
We would have gone with "Jimhalpertesque."
If you so much as glanced at Twitter during the month of October, you may have noticed that suddenly the entire social network turned into the opening credits of a Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" episode as users adopted "spooky" names for Halloween. The New York Times apparently wasn't aware of this tradition, leading to this embarrassing correction:
twitter.com/jilliancyork
"In addition, the president has not changed his name to BOO!rack OOoooOOoOoobama."
That's right, people: The woman they quoted in this collection of tweets passing itself off as an article wasn't named "Chillian J. Yikes!" -- she's Jillian C. York. We know. We're outraged, too. Next you'll tell us Seymour Butts and Homer Sexual aren't real names either.
Last September, the London Evening Standard covered a posthumous exhibition of the artist Sebastian Horsley, set up by his girlfriend, and because Brits love their puns, the exhibition was called "The Whoresley Show." Unfortunately, the newspaper apparently read too much into that name and reported that the organizer was not Horsley's girlfriend, but a prostitute. You know, just one of Britain's many exhibition-organizing prostitutes. Shockingly, this was not the case.
standard.co.uk
Horlsey's ex-girlfriend disputes the correction.
The London Evening Standard insisted that it would never call Garley a prostitute again. Then it asked to please be let back into the house, if only for the sake of the kids.
When was the last time you looked at the "Kid's Corner" in your local newspaper and read the captions to find out which 10-year-old made that delightful drawing of a cow? If your answer was "never," then you have something in common with the editors at Virginia's The Staunton News Leader newspaper, who failed to notice the words "fucking idiot" on that page:
Staunton News Leader via Yahoo
Their boss then reportedly uttered something to the same effect.
The phrase? It's originally from a story in the Onion, but no one knows how it ended up there. The News Leader hurriedly apologized for their slip-up, claiming that the caption had originated from a third-party group that lays out their weather pages, which introduces us to the sad reality that newspapers outsource either their picture captions or their weather.
The third part of XJ's epic science fiction novel is OUT NOW, and can be purchased on Amazon for a measly few bucks. The first $0.99 novella can be found here, with Part 2 out here. Or leave a review and get a free copy! Poke him on Twitter, too.
