The 4 Worst Corporate Attempts to Bond With Employees

Predictably, Gawker did get lots of emails from people who work at Walmart ... featuring even worse stories than the ones they had. In fact, the employees are so unhappy with the shit conditions they have to put up with that, putting their own jobs on the line, they also flooded Walmart's internal website with more negative comments. As one of them put it, "Whoever OK'd this memo will soon have their own negative experiences to tell."

Walmart via Gawker
One man's positive story- about Wal-Mart giving him a week off without pay for the birth of his first child, was sadder than all the negative stories put together.

But rather than using good old-fashioned spying to know what his employees were talking about, Lampert instead joined the social network under the fake name "Eli Wexler" and started chatting everyone up. This plan might have even worked if he hadn't started arguing with everyone who said anything negative about Sears, or simply been so transparently CEO-like that everyone figured out it was him within 15 minutes.

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"Oh, he's just my profile pic because of my respect for him and his gigantic penis. BTW, don't you hate unions?"

The memo also helpfully explains the difference between the several types of Latinos:

Yolo Superior Court
But which one works best against Charizard?

It also points out a common mistake managers might make when explaining something to a Hispanic employee: Even if the employee seems to understand (signaled by the red-flag keywords "OK, OK"), they may not actually know what you mean. Listen, we're just happy that Steve Carell's character in The Office landed a good administrative job after leaving the show.

Yeah, the only thing the "finance guide" ended up proving is how impossible it is to get by on a full-time, minimum wage job at McDonald's: You'll have enough money to cover your (hilariously low-balled) rent, (impossibly cheap) insurance, a car payment (but no gas), and most of your phone/electric bill. If you want to have any spending money, you'd need a second job working another 30+ hours at minimum wage -- and by "spending money," they mean cash for luxuries like food or clothes, which aren't included in the list.

What's that? You wanna put some money in a savings account, go to college, or engage in any form of relaxation other than sleep?

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"Shit, is that gum? Ah, no, it's just hopes and aspirations."

Good luck with that.