You see, Britton was cutting wood with 3,000 revolutions per minute of spinning death. So when the mountain lion attempted to eat Britton's throat, he scored a long gash on the cat's shoulder, which incredibly did not kill the animal. No, the mountain lion was later shot by animal control, its life essence kept aflicker only by its burning hatred of power tools.
That there's a chyron you tell the grandchildren about.
Man Wrestles Shark Out of the Surf
In 2001, 8-year-old Jessie Arbogast was attacked by a 7-foot-long bull shark that tore off his arm. This sucked -- for the shark. How come? Because Arbogast was visiting the Pensacola, Florida, shore with the very personification of man's contempt for nature, his uncle, Vance Flosenzier.
Seen here in a rare moment of not punching something.
Noticing the commotion in the water, Flosenzier immediately set about grappling the shark out of the ocean, because A) the shark still held Arbogast's dismembered arm and B) the law of the wild dictates that when a shark attacks a child, it loses its legal right to fight on its home turf.
Gripping the shark's tail, Flosenzier laid it out on the shark-smothering beach so the fish could meditate on how its biological imperatives completely screwed the pooch this time. Also, Arbogast's arm was successfully reattached, as medical science knows better than to waste the time and efforts of a man who wrestles sharks.
"Anyone who needs a boat to fight sharks is a pussy."