How An Urban Legend Became Cracked’s Cousin (And Maybe Mailed Us Anthrax?)

How An Urban Legend Became Cracked’s Cousin (And Maybe Mailed Us Anthrax?)

15 Classic TV Shows Everyone Forgets Were Spinoffs

15 Classic TV Shows Everyone Forgets Were Spinoffs

5 Reasons That Normal-Looking Free Newspaper (In Your Hometown) Is Anything But

5 Reasons That Normal-Looking Free Newspaper (In Your Hometown) Is Anything But

Shocking: Questionable NYC Pickup Artist Arrested After Alleged Involvement in Capitol Siege

Shocking: Questionable NYC Pickup Artist Arrested After Alleged Involvement in Capitol Siege

Senator Bernie Sanders Reigns Supreme As Inauguration Day Fashion Icon, Everyone's Dad

Senator Bernie Sanders Reigns Supreme As Inauguration Day Fashion Icon, Everyone's Dad

The 4 Least Anticipated Albums of the Week [7.10.12]

Plenty of sites will tell you about all of the great albums that you should be formulating a plan to illicitly download without your Internet service provider finding out and telling the RIAA this week. But what about the albums you should avoid? Who speaks to those consumers who just wander into a record store, randomly grab a stack of CDs and bolt out the door with no consideration for what they're purchasing?

Well, for one thing, those people probably don't exist. But if they did, here are the albums they should make a conscious effort to avoid this week.

Advertisement

4
Dirty Projectors -- Swing Lo Magellan

The 4 Least Anticipated Albums of the Week [7.10.12] Getty

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Listen, I'm not trying to be controversial here. I know Dirty Projectors is a hot band with the indie-rock types and that this album, the followup to 2009's Bitte Orca, is one that a lot of people really are looking forward to. Trust me, I respect that. So much so, in fact, that it's only with the utmost respect that I say the following: Dirty Projectors' music is some hipster bullshit.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


And yes, I realize that song isn't too terrible, but see, that's how this band ropes you in. They release one really sweet-sounding single that gives you some hope that the band might be on the upswing and then the album comes and it's all useless noise. They're like the Chicago Cubs of music: all promise, no execution. Ever.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Oh, and the first person to mention what this band did to Black Flag's classic album Damaged as a reason why they should be appreciated gets punched in the face by Henry Rollins.

The 4 Least Anticipated Albums of the Week [7.10.12] Getty
Really hard.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

3
P.O.D. -- Murdered Love

The 4 Least Anticipated Albums of the Week [7.10.12] Getty

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Early 2000s nostalgia. Is that a thing that's happening yet? Because Jesus-loving rap metal bench warmers P.O.D. have a new album out today.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


If you find yourself pining for the days when rap music was rap music and rock music was also rap music and also totally fucking sucked, then this is the album for you. Otherwise, I can't imagine too many people are going to be interested.

2
Staind -- Live from Mohegan Sun

The 4 Least Anticipated Albums of the Week [7.10.12] Getty

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Everything said about P.O.D. in the previous entry applies to this album as well, except for one difference.


This is a live album, meaning there probably aren't any new songs, so people will care even less. There isn't even an official video on YouTube that I could find to give you an idea of what the album will sound like. If the record company doesn't even give a shit about promoting it, why should you give a shit about buying it?

1
Mark Tremonti -- All I Was

The 4 Least Anticipated Albums of the Week [7.10.12] Wikipedia

Q: What's worse than a solo album by the lead singer of Creed?


A: A solo album by the lead guitarist of Creed.

Related:

This Light Projector Will Make Any Party A Hit
To turn on reply notifications, click here

396 Comments

Load Comments