Last weekend, rookie news anchor A.J. Clemente debuted in his very first live broadcast at Bismarck, North Dakota's own KFYR-TV.
In case you didn't watch the video, A.J. manages to completely destroy his career in the first three seconds of the broadcast, which has to be some kind of record. Thanks to the Internet, which preserves every horrible mistake we make like a hateful eternal library, we are able to examine the meteoric downfall of A.J. Clemente one glorious step at a time.
The day began for A.J. much like any other -- with cautious optimism and a devastating lack of self-awareness:
"Awkward Turtle" is a North Dakotan expression for "so nervous I'm about to poop myself."
Presumably he was cleared for anchoring, because he showed up on TV a few hours later, wearing what we hope was his lucky green tie, because there is no other conceivable reason for an adult human male to willingly dangle that color pattern from his neck in view of other people.
"I bought it to repel mountain panthers."
The 5 o'clock news begins, and before the NBC logo has a chance to fade off the screen (and before we even see his face), A.J. spits out the word "gay," followed immediately by the phrase "fucking shit" the moment the studio comes into view:
"... pluck and spit!"