Spiders With Halloween Faces
Igor Ryabov / Caters
In what should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, nature saw fit to paint demon clown faces on the goddamn abdomens of a handful of species of goddamn spiders, because the world is a cold and desolate place.
The above image, captured by Ukranian photographer Igor Ryabov in his backyard, looks like the universe suddenly decided to tap into our joint fear of spiders and serial killers who wear makeup on their burlap murder masks. The only way this spider could do a better job of exploiting our most terrible phobias is if he were riding a snake through a dentist's office. Or if he looked like this:
Clearly, clearly, that is a spider carrying the flayed spirit of Pumpkinhead on its back. There's no way any divine power or cosmic force could create that horror by accident. It looks like two nightmares teamed up to rob you of every night of sleep for the rest of your life.
And then we have this spider, running around with the face of a skeletal alien banshee airbrushed on its ass:
People's Daily Online, Before It's News
We apologize for the PTSD, abduction survivors.
Presumably this spider sneaked onto our planet in a bushel of intergalactic bananas back when some interdimensional travelers stopped by to help us build Stonehenge or the pyramids or whatever, and now they're just waiting around for the right time to take over the planet like the villain in Stargate.