The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV

Live television is always an adventure. You never know when the smallest twitch or flub is going to turn into disaster. Oh, and sometimes people will try to kill you. For example ...

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3
TV Host Sets Magician's Head on Fire

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Magician Wayne Houchin agreed to appear on a talk show hosted by another magician in the Dominican Republic. There are eight different varieties of red flags hidden in that previous sentence. So no one should be surprised that things went horribly awry. This horribly, to be exact:

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV
Looks serious!

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Yep, that man's head is on fire. Of course, nobody could foresee an accident like this happening, especially not the host who pulled the stunt, Franklin Barazarte. After all, he claims that he's been dousing people's heads with highly flammable liquids and setting them on fire for more than 20 years without incident. Just like that one guy in the circus who claims that he's been sticking his head in lions' mouths for 20 years without incident.

Also, he might be lying. Barazarte is claiming that it was all a prank, but rumors to the contrary suggest that, fearing that Houchin's "powers of magic" might be something otherworldly, the host was actually trying to expel demons from the unsuspecting magician's soul. So that makes more sense, right?

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2
The Ultimate Warrior Terrifies Arsenio Hall

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If you were to make a list of the craziest, shiniest, most unpredictable, hardest-to-understand wrestling superstars of the late '80s/early '90s, the Ultimate Warrior comes in at no lower than No. 2 or No. 3 in almost all cases. Naturally, Arsenio Hall decided that those qualities made the Warrior an ideal guest to interview on his talk show.

As you hear Arsenio mention in the beginning of the clip, the interview happens a mere days before the Warrior has his career-defining match with Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania VI, so it's entirely possible that he thought that Arsenio was just giving him the go-ahead to totally sabotage his interview with his notoriously inane shtick.

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Translation: the Ultimate Warrior did a whole bunch of this ...

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV

And this ...

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV

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And this ...

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV

And ultimately this ...

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV

While Arsenio Hall did the exact same amount of this ...

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV

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This ...

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV

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And this ...

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV

To put it mildly, it was fucking chaos. Any wrestling fan from back in the day can tell you that, even in a live WWF show context, the Warrior's shoots tended to be jumbled and confusing as hell, but he's far removed from any live WWF kayfabe narrative here, so it should've behooved him to at least try to work with Arsenio to make something sensible of the situation. But nope. He sticks to his own script the entire time, with incredibly dickish results.

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1
Rampage Jackson Gets Very Horny, Very Quick

Odds are you know who Quinton "Rampage" Jackson is because you're familiar with MMA, you're into movie remakes of campy '80s TV shows or you follow the Costa Mesa, California, police blotter. Any way you slice it, the guy's a celebrity, which usually dictates that your libido is satiated enough to not cause you to start dry-humping people at the drop of a hat. But Jackson, as you can see, disproves that theory in this interview with Heather Nichols.

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It all starts out harmlessly enough, with Nichols inquiring about Jackson's potential acting career outside of UFC. But at about the 0:25 mark, Nichols makes the mistake of infusing the interview with some sexual innuendo involving Jackson and herself -- some cheesy line about the two of them starring in a romantic comedy together.

A normal person would've just laughed something like that off and played along with the joke to their best judgment. But Jackson isn't a normal person. He's a dick. And all dicks need is a hint of suggestion as a sign to do something dickish, like dry-humping the girl interviewing them unironically for a good 30 seconds while she haplessly tries to play along until the producer finally has to gently motion him away. It's one of the most awkward things ever captured live, and as the look on Jackson's face in the closing moments show ...

The 3 Most Baffling Dick Moves in the History of Live TV
If he does pursue acting, we have a great idea for a gritty Of Mice and Men reboot.

... he was pretty damn proud of that.



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