The trailer for Michael Bay's new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie exploded onto the Internet last week, delighting audiences across the world with the borderline fetal facial features of our heroes in a half shell. However, the question on everyone's mind -- as is the case with every film Michael Bay is involved with -- is WILL IT BE TERRIBLE?
4 The Story: Has Been Rewritten Four Times
The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie has gone through more rewrites than a freaking novel. At one point, the titular green heroes weren't even going to be teenage, mutants, or turtles. They were going to be ninja aliens (but then, for the first time in his entire career, Michael Bay came to his senses).
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Note that the world was in the midst of a record rate of large scale cocaine busts.
The first draft of the movie was a gritty origin story written by the same guy who wrote Young Guns and Hidalgo, so we can only assume that in this version of the film the turtles were a mischievous band of troublemaking outlaws and the Shredder was an evil rancher. Paramount decided that script was "too edgy" (which is industry speak for "Michelangelo gets high on bath salts and eats his own face"), so they commissioned a rewrite from the two storytelling heavyweights responsible for Now You See Me, the Woody Harrelson movie about fake magicians. Finally, they brought in the guy who wrote Snow White and the Huntsman to do one last polish. So, four different writers, collectively responsible for some of the most forgettable films ever produced, whipped up a new Ninja Turtles movie for us.