Guardians of the Galaxy is a $170 million sci-fi action-comedy based on a comic book starring a bunch of D-list superheroes nobody gave a shit about five years ago. It's directed by James Gunn, a former Troma screenwriter best known for low-budget gorefests like Slither and Super. Two of Guardians' main characters are a talking tree and raccoon. And if this wasn't a Marvel Studios movie, Guardians would've been exiled to the Stygian wastelands of February, along with Jupiter Ascending and Texas Chainsaw Massacre $17: The Budget Is the Title. In short, it's incredible that Guardians was made.
Several Cracked writers checked out Guardians earlier this week. It's fun in that way Marvel films are, but it has the DNA of a B-movie, albeit a B-movie that Marvel has been daintily shepherding into the public consciousness for the past two years, like a Faberge egg wrapped in a tortilla of angel's laughter.
"Clap harder, you fool. The Disney snipers are watching."
Seriously, every single facet of this film is meticulously crafted to convince the audience they are not watching the next John Carter, Cowboys & Aliens, or The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Here's how Marvel's selling you on their most obscure property yet. (MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD.)