The world is full of brilliant people, despite how often we try to convince you otherwise. However, some of these geniuses, rather than building machines that help crippled people walk, or bring dinosaurs back to life, are content to build machines that serve barely-definable functions to address nonexistent problems -- because that is how the Internet works.
The Paper-Ripping Machine slowly tears a piece of paper in half with the turn of a crank, which is a mechanism typically limited to when we make fun of old people for how stupid cars used to be. The device utilizes a series of clasps and tethers, meaning you have to strap that piece of paper in like an astronaut before you can begin ripping it in half. You could split an entire ream of paper with a hacksaw in the amount of time it would take you to use this machine, which we hasten to note serves no conceivable purpose -- unless you are a paralyzingly arthritic old shithead who wants to show your grandson exactly what you think of that picture he drew for you.
"This isn't worth the effort to pin up, but it is worthy of heartbreakingly elaborate destruction."