So apparently the entire free world stopped this week to talk about Miley Cyrus's surreal sexual nightmare that played out before a nation that apparently couldn't believe just how truly skanked-out little miss Hannah Montana had become. It would be sad, even if it wasn't clearly a plot intended to distract the nation from the war in Syria.
But it's even sadder that everyone was so stunned by the sight of Miley in flesh-colored booty shorts at the MTV Video Music Awards that they didn't appreciate that it was one of the most high-concept deconstructions of psychosexual symbolism ever created. Think we're joking? Because it's all there, from the carefully chosen color of Robin Thicke's suit, to the strange obsession with butt stuff:
4There is Symbolism in the Color of the Bears
While teddy bears seem like an obvious choice for bizarre sexual juxtaposition, the actual execution went far beyond a gimmick. Our story begins when Miley steps out of a giant brown teddy bear with what appears to have either a Scott Summers or Geordi La Forge visor on -- both characters visually impaired.